My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Archive for April, 2012


April 24th, 2012 | Category: Life

So, I’m just trying to make myself write. I haven’t had an assistant since mid-December, and she was… a downer, so honestly, I’m really not okay. I feel trapped, stuck. I can’t just go to the coffee shop, or a movie, or for a tattoo, or whatever else I might want to do on a whim. The things that help make me feel alive. I interview and interview and interview, but nothing yet. It’s frustrating.

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April 21st, 2012 | Category: Life,Opinions

So, first off, I’m a… persistent person. Or stubborn. Or persistent. Or persistently stubborn. The point is, once I get something in my head, I don’t just let it go. I lost a BUNCH of movies, it was my fault. I deleted them, stupidly. I was able to convince Apple to let me re-download the 300ish that weren’t in the Cloud, but some, too many, just aren’t available anymore. Apple can’t restore movies they stopped selling. Everything in my last post, no longer available. It was upsetting, at least to me. They were mine, my movies. I collected them, moved them from hard drive to hard drive. I watched a few of them alone, in the ICU way back when, after the pineapple juice that killed me but didn’t. I watched some crazy and happy in love. A few, I hadn’t even watched yet. Harvey, May, they really upset me. I’ve seen them so many times. I have essays in my head, unwritten of yet, about Harvey and May. Predators, okay, nobody liked Predators, but for some reason, I’m not in that nobody category. I think it’s a blast. It’s fun, and Adrian Brody quotes Hemingway! How can you go wrong with fun and Hemingway quotes? You can’t! I didn’t want to lose these movies, my library forever incomplete. I want to thank everyone who offered to send me DVDs, it was very nice. Unfortunately, I’m weird, and a snob. DVD rips just aren’t the same, and that wouldn’t fix the HD issue. Besides, even with DVD rips, or even if people had sent me actual iTunes files and I SOMEHOW broke the DRM (which was REALLY unlikely), those movies wouldn’t have been MY movies, the files I collected and stupidly deleted. Like I said, I’m weird.

At any rate, these missing movies were a real problem for me. I was so mad at myself. I know they’re just digital files, but the sense of loss, and that it was my fault… I was just really upset. I don’t expect anyone to understand. Everyone here thought I was crazy. I just couldn’t let them go. I didn’t let them go. I won’t get all boring and technical, and talk about how you can’t use data recovery software on wirelessly mounted network drives and how I got around that issue, I’ll just say that, I did. After over 90 hours and three different data recovery software packages, my movies are back, safe and sound. Persistence paid off.

In other news, speaking of the ICU, I just spent a week in there. It was was a really bad, possibly the worst hospital experience I’ve ever had. I’m done writing anymore about it, just thinking about it still bothers me. I’m out, that’s that.