My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

So, I’m half-way through Annihilation by Jeff VanderMeer, and it’s… amazing. I feel like whatever Jeff writes, it all starts to exist somewhere, another universe, a parallel Earth, somewhere beyond fiction that makes money and entertains us. His writing is something arcane, the pages flicker with that spark of life that goes to coalesce somewhere else to become reality.

I want to make some crazy predictions about Annihilation, but not yet. Not yet. First, I want to have a giveaway!

I want to give out five e-copies of Annihilation, Kindle or iBooks, winners pick the format.

In this post’s comments section, I want you to write what my most crazy Annihilation prediction might be. My five favorites will win.

Only one entry per person, so make them count.

I’ll announce the winners… Friday at 9 pm.

So, this isn’t going to be a sweeping narrative, more like a list of happenings…

On Friday the 31st I needed an emergency trach change.

On Tuesday the 4th I SOMEHOW severely sprained my right shoulder, and by Thursday the 6th, the pain was so bad I kept getting dizzy and feeling like throwing up (which would be BAD).

On Thursday the 6th, after getting into the van for an appointment with my pain doctor, I couldn’t breathe because the temporary trach tube I had placed on the 31st started pressing against the wall of my trachea and blocking my airway. The tube had to be held in just the right way so I could breathe. So, we went to the e.r. rather than the pain doctor.

In the e.r. I got a new trach, a slew of drugs, and that’s that. Shoulder’s better, breathing’s better.

So, it’s Monday, 10ish pm as I start writing this, and I’m waiting for Tuesday after Midnight. It’s one of my favorite parts of the week, New Release Tuesday, when new movies, music, and books are released. The iTunes Store also puts out a new batch of sale items, HD movies for $9.99, SOMETIMES $4.99. I’m not sure which movies are due, I like the surprises, but I do know something about what’s coming tomorrow. I know about a book, Annihilation by Jeff VanderMeer. Annihilation is Jeff’s first novel in four years, and considering its author, it’s going to be amazing.

More tomorrow.

Tattoo by Kyle, Doc Dogs’s Las Vegas Tattoo, Ybor City

So, the way that this tattoo wraps around my leg, it’s basically impossible to photograph, properly anyway.

It reads…

One day I know…

One day I’ll be…

Looking back on me…

It’s from a Priscilla Ahn song, One Day I Will Do, which is off of her really excellent second record, When You Grow Up. The entire record is worth buying, but I’ve gotten really fond of One Day I Will Do.

To me, it’s a song about a life that’s in a drift, and then regretting that drift. You know you could do better, could be better, but you’re not. You’re just not. You know that at the end of everything, you’re either going to to see your life as a giant waste, or as something that was good and beautiful. Knowing that one day you’ll look back across the expanse of your life and might find it lacking, could easily find it lacking, is a sobering thought, a thought that could lead you toward someplace that feels… right.

I feel like this song, I’m scared of that look back on myself. I’m scared I’ll see ruin and waste. These words are kind of a prayer etched into my flesh, a prayer to remember to be better, because at the end of me, I don’t want to look back and see the waste I’m living now stretched until my last then.

So, to get back into the swing of things (as cliche as that sounds), I’m just going to do a write whatever’s ever in my head kind of thing.

I made some cosmetic, minor cosmetic, changes to the blog. I upped the font size a little, mostly for my own aged eyes, and I FINALLY figured out how to fix the search button. Since the blog launched the button read, “Se,” the box around it wasn’t wide enough. Until… NOW. It actually wasn’t really hard to fix, I just never took the time to dig through the CSS (the file that governs such things). I wonder lately (I wonder on and off) if I should totally redo the blog’s look, totally scrap and start fresh. Though, I don’t think I can bring myself to do it. It’s like my room, I see the black and purple and I feel… comfortable. Little else feels comfortable, I don’t know if I should purposefully destroy something that’s still cozy.

Aside from the blog tweaking, I’m watching this indie comedy, In A World… It’s about a woman vying for the job of being the first woman to speak the iconic movie trailer phrase, “In A World…” I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, but I just hit the end, and it was kind of amazing. The end of a something tends to make or break that something.

Something.

No, I’ll write more than a snarky, “Something.” I’ve basically taken January off, but now it’s time to get back to writing, not on a schedule, but better than not writing ANYTHING.

I have two new tattoos to post, several books to review, and just a lot of thoughts bouncing around in my… eccentric brain. Yes, we’ll say eccentric. Thoughts that need put down here, not shuddered up behind my eyes.

So, 2013 is over and done. It wasn’t a spectacular year (overall), but at least it felt really quick. December seemed to come in a blink and now it’s January 2014, and I’m now thirty-three.

Whew.

I didn’t do a lot for my birthday this time, but I did score iTunes gift cards, and one especially spectacular gift…

Charmer on vinyl, signed, framed…

I got my signed Charmer framed.

So, today is my birthday, again, for the thirty-third time. I’m thirty-three. I feel… old.

I don’t feel like writing much else just now.

So, I took a week off, blew my vow, but I don’t feel too bad about it. I think I need to strive toward quality rather than quantity.

Something to do next your…

So, I got some really spectacular presents, and I have absolutely no idea what I did to deserve them. Randy (ex-step-dad) was beyond generous.

I know of one person who might be reading this and almost certainly thinking that I should take my presents and go die in a car fire, which is comforting.