My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

Nothing.

…tired.

So, I’ve posted SOMETHING every day for twenty-four days. I think I’ve basically failed my vow of daily substance, but the few posts that I think are good, are really pretty good. كازينو عبر الانترنت At least I’m trying.

A lot of people have asked me to write about movies, my favorite movies and what-not, I’m not not listening, I just haven’t heard the words yet.  Oh fuck, he’s finally hearing voices. I don’t mean “heard the words yet” in a mental illnessy way, it’s… before I write anything I hear the words in my head, I call it my “writer voice.” I kind of hear the words in my head way before I actually get into the physical act of writing, letters forming words forming sentences forming paragraphs forming pages forming the narrative. مراهنات If that voice is quiet, my writing isn’t so vivid.

Perhaps I am crazy.

So, I was going to post my 72nd tattoo, but it’s still a little too raw-looking. We used a thicker font, so it just needs extra healing before it’s unveiled.

That said, what to post…? Today has been slow. I’m kind of just- I don’t care.

So, you can see from my truly witty title that this post is going to be huge, some might call it a “game changer.” I might consider it a “life changer.” I mean, sometimes a blog post comes along and that makes you “question reality.” You realize that too many “quotes” is “annoying.” You probably “want” to “punch me” in “the face.”

Okay, today I have nothing.

Tomorrow, something.

So, tonight I get to go for a new tattoo, and I’m trying to decide what to get. I have too many ideas, and too little skin. العاب ربح نقود حقيقية At one time I was going to stop at sixty, but then life changed and I decided to just go until I run out of space, or quit breathing, which ever happens first.

Tattoo by Kyle, Doc Dog’s Las Vegas Tattoo, Ybor City

So, tattoo #71… is a lyric from a really kind of cryptic Elliott Smith song, No Name #3, which is off his first record, Roman Candle. The font is actually Elliott’s own hand-writing, I got it from a little pdf lyrics book that comes with the Remastered version of Roman Candle from iTunes. Elliott liked writing songs on bar napkins, scraps of paper, hotel stationary, anything on hand when an idea hit him. He didn’t just write obscure barely recognizable versions of songs that would eventually get cleaned up and put on a record, he’d write an entire finished, ready to record song on a crumpled piece of junk paper. He was the essence of chaotic genius.

As a whole, No Name #3 doesn’t make a ton of sense. bet365 arabic I don’t think, as a whole, it’s supposed to tell a story. To me, it reads like scraps of poetry that convey an overall theme. No Name #3 is about being tired, totally exhausted, spent. كيف تربح في الروليت Worn. Worn and just wanting to rest.

My favorite section goes…

“Watched the dying day

Blushing in the sky

Everyone is uptight

So come on night”

It’s a really gorgeous piece of writing, so much emotion in just a few words. It’s the sort of writing I aspire toward. I really like the imagery; watching an end of day sky, the kind of sky that goes from deep blue to hot orange to soft pink, waiting for that blush to be enveloped by darkness, black sky filled with stars that look like watchful angels. Wanting night to come because the day was just so Goddamn fucking tedious. It’s sad, it’s beautiful, it’s honest.

I feel this a lot. The day can be so tedious, so oppressively empty, I just want the quiet of 3 a. بوكر حقيقي m. At 3 a.m. life isn’t bringing me down, the quiet is soothing. I get waves of intense sadness, loneliness, but after those demons leave , and all’s silent, the things that I want start to feel possible again. Sometimes I make them possible when day comes, sometimes I can’t, but night gives me the will to try.

So come on night.

I’ve been having a rough week. As I’ve said, not being able to leave my room wears on me. سباق الخيل مباشر I can, but only when my brother can take me, and only the dates/times he can go, and sometimes he’s only available a certain length of time. He has a job, a wife, it’s not his fault.

All the isolation, loneliness, anxiety, it’s all come back. ماكينة القمار It’s been two years without the independence Tivoli first gave me, I’m just really frustrated. تكساس هولدم بوكر Sad. Bored. Nervous. Lonely. I’m not complaining, I’m just trying to explain why I get so down, why I can’t write. Someone wanted me to write my day, but there’s nothing to write. I watch fucking Dr. Phil. I can’t stop thinking about how everything WAS, how I miss people who are gone.

I’m really not sure what to write, I’m not feeling so great. I’m just very nervous, very down, it’s 2004 all over again. I spend the day generally- I don’t care, it doesn’t matter.

I’m failing September.

Someone said I should write something happy today, “Sunshine and flowers.” I want to, but I can’t tonight. I’m very uneasy, very melancholy.

So much is wrong I don’t know where to start.