My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I once wrote about how Florida Governor Jeb Bush and a bunch of legislators got together a bunch of years ago to legislate my independence, and the independence of other people with disabilities. I wrote about the importance of politics, how the people we elect really do write laws and policies that change peoples’ lives, for the better. I was writing from the perspective of life being made better, and being thankful, I wasn’t really thinking about how we could elect a bunch of people who would write new laws and new policies that turn everything around, that would make life out and out bad. I wasn’t REALLY thinking about that stuff, but now I think I should have been.

When Rick Scott and Alex Sink were running to be the Governor of Florida, I wasn’t really thinking about how the outcome of some election would change my life to where I can barely leave my house, to where I’m being driven to “medically necessary” appointments in ambulances. I knew that Alex Sink was kind of milk-toast, and that Rick Scott was a multi-millionaire right-wing Tea Party nut-bag whose health care company was fined billions of dollars for Medicare fraud. Scott got out before he could be criminally prosecuted, but the general consensus was (and is) that his resignation wasn’t just dumb luck. Sink ran on social issues and the fact that Rick Scott had absolutely zero political experience. Scott ran on jobs, budgets, numbers. His campaign slogan was “Let’s Get to Work.” Given Scott’s shady past and total lack of experience, I didn’t put much thought into the election, though I definitely didn’t see Alex Sink losing. Even if she did lose, so what? I mean, what could Rick Scott do that could affect me? Little tiny, nobody me?

Well, Alex Sink lost, Rick Scott won, and as it turns out, a Republican Governor matched with a Republican Legislature can affect little me, and lots of other people. He slashed education funding, he almost made it so folks employed by the Government could be drug tested for absolutely no reason, he refuses to implement the Affordable Care Act, he slashed Medicaid funding. He took away the funding that allowed people with disabilities levels of independence, allowed them to be productive members of society, contributors to the economy. So, all that stuff I didn’t think about happened, and now I think about that stuff every single day.

Rick Scott has one of the lowest approval ratings in the nation, people here hate him. He won the election, but only because just a fraction of the population actually voted. Most of the people who hate him now didn’t vote for him, they didn’t vote at all. Unemployment is down in Florida since Scott was elected in 2010, from 10.2% to 8.4%, but National Unemployment is down too. So, our economic improvement could easily be a sign of our overall economic recovery, and not necessarily Scott’s business acumen.  He guaranteed 700,000 jobs in 7 years, a figure we absolutely will not meet. Mostly he just pisses people off, destroys the work of his predecessors. Former Republican Governor Jeb Bush got disabled people out of hospitals and institutions, Rick Scott is putting us back. Why? Because it’s good for business, Rick Scott’s former business.

Mitt Romney’s a businessman too, he’s promising tons of jobs. He’s good with numbers and profits, but we have to consider that many of his business decisions have made him and his partners astonishingly wealthy, while putting other people out of business. He has greatly helped himself by hurting others. That’s business, business is cold. Some people have to lose so others can win. People who go into business know this up-front, they know that to get ahead, some people have to get left behind. That’s business. The thing is, Government isn’t a business, being President isn’t like being CEO of the country. The Government exists to protect its citizens, every single citizen. A president can’t, or at least shouldn’t, make ice cold, by the numbers, decisions. Being President involves making decisions that can’t hurt anybody, no matter how many other people that decision might help.

When I look at President Barack Obama, I see a man who has worked his way up from absolutely nothing. He grew up like most of the citizens he now governs, single-parent family, worked his way through school, buried under student loans, with goals and ambitions focused on helping other people to have lives easier than his. He met a nice girl, courted her, driving around Chicago in his shitty, rusted out car. Has two kids, girls who haven’t had automatic perfect Christmases, whose parents had to work to get presents under that tree. I see a man who has gone gray worrying about the citizens of this country, worrying over every choice he makes because he doesn’t want to make a choice that makes life worse for people after he makes it. He worries about the men and women he sends into war, worries about getting them home safely. He feels responsible for their care when they’re injured, and even more responsible when they’re killed. He’s just a normal, honest guy, who signed up for a shit-job with more responsibility and consequences than it has benefits. He has dedicated his entire life to public services, not personal gain. When I look at President Barack Obama I see a smart man, a kind man.

When I look at Mitt Romney, I kind of see Rick Scott. I see a guy who could hurt people and not think twice about it, so long as it makes “good business sense.” I’m not going to be politically correct here, “I’m sure Mitt Romney’s a good person” and all that bullshit. I don’t see a good person when I look at Mitt Romney. When I look at Mitt Romney I see a guy who has made his fortune by cutting other peoples’ throats. He looks out for his family, his friends, himself. He does good things because you’re “supposed to,” all very public, very grand. He’s not a good person at night, in the dark, when nobody but God is watching. I just don’t see good in him. I see a guy who, if elected, could hurt me. I think about all that stuff I didn’t used to think about, back before we elected a “businessman” to be the Governor of Florida.

Tomorrow, when you vote, think about these things.

So, 3 trach changes, a weird infection, and a bunch of antibiotics later, I’m out of the hospital. I’m so exhausted, and scared because I’m so exhausted. I’m scared of a lot of things…

I’m, sick in the hospital. Scared

I’m very political lately, it’s the only thing in my head that feels worth writing right now.

Anything is better than nothing, no?

Everyone I love is gone, everything I loved about my life is gone. What’s to write?

So, something about Governor Romney that makes me mind-numbingly angry is his assertion that State Government needs less, and in many cases, no Federal oversight. The idea makes me upset to the point of desiring violence against the proponents of said idea.

If States are so great, why did the Federal Government have to end slavery?

If States are so great, why did the Federal Government have to end segregation?

If States are so great, why did the Federal Government have to ensure the disabled access to Public Education?

The Federal Government exists to hold States to a standard, to a level of protection for all Americans. History shows us exactly how necessary Federal intervention is, because States have literally hurt people when left to their own devices. This is just fact, it’s like knowing that the sky is blue.

The thought of leaving Medicaid to the hands of each state is especially upsetting. Florida is a prime example of why Medicaid needs more Federal oversight, not less, let alone none. For some reason, we elected a criminal to be our Governor. Rick Scott made his fortune defrauding the Health Care System, resigning as CEO of his health care company before he could be held legally responsible for anything. Well, he, being of such astonishingly high moral caliber, has decimated Medicaid funding for programs that allow disabled people to live in their communities independently, happily. I got cut by 70%, had to say good-bye to my personal assistants, and thus, my entire life. Good-bye. coffee-shop. Good-bye, movie theaters. Good-bye, girlfriend. Good-bye, favorite bar. Good-bye, everything. According to the new rules, “it’s the responsibility of” my “family to provide access to the community out of love and concern for” my “well-being.” So, I’m supposed to go to the bar with my mom. Oh, wait, my case manager e-mailed to suggest, “your brother can come and you can have a nice Sunday afternoon out on the porch.” My mom isn’t young anymore. My brother’s married, works a crazy busy office job. Now, they’re doing my care 24/7, which is really 85% my mom. We get no help. Oh, wait, the State is lately spending two-ish THOUSAND dollars a week on an ambulance service to whisk me away to “medically necessary appointments.” They strap me to a gurney like Doctor Lecter, it’s great. I used to employe college kids who NEEDED my pay, now the State pays ambulances roughly $700 PER MEDICAL APPOINTMENT, whereas an assistant would get $45 for a three hour appointment. They’re not saving money by cutting my services, they’re just funneling it and a lot more toward the medical industry. Their goal is to have me, and people like me living in hospitals and institutions. It costs more up front, but the gamble is that we die way quicker, and folks like Rick Scott make a sweet cut somewhere along the way. If Scott had full control over Medicaid thanks to Romney… I don’t even want to write the words.

I WANT intelligent, moral, kind people like President Obama to be able to see State-level corruption, and have the power to fix it. I wish he could see me, how I employed people, college kids, how I was contributing to my local economy, how I lived a normal little life. Now, it’s all gone, and for what?

So, this is an actual e-mail that I wrote in response to another e-mail regarding sensors that I use with my NeuroSwitch… The point? Self-amusement in the face of…?

Yeah, there’s a fellow downtown, he sells hot dogs and snow-cones during the day, closes up around 5 PM, goes home to see the wife and kid. They play Wii-Fit for an hour before dinner, tater-tots, lasagna, raspberry Jell-O for desert. It’s the same meal every night, but they like it, like the routine. He helps the kid with his algebra, usually from 8-9:30. Kid’s in 8th grade, not so sharp at math. After the kid turns in around 10, the fellow opens a bottle of wine, not astonishingly expensive, but not cheap, never cheap. Then, he and the Mrs. have their “alone time.” I won’t describe that in the same detail as I have other things because we’re in mixed company, but everybody falls asleep happy if you get what I mean. At around 1:30 AM a little alrm sounds from his neon green SWATCH watch, which means it’s time for his night job, selling crack, smack, pot, heroin, and medical-grade electrodes in an alley behind the Republic Bank building.

I probably got them from him.

I definitely wouldn’t call myself a sports “fan.” I can talk sports, I know who won what championship every year, I know the rules of the games, but I don’t regularly watch any of said games. I’d probably call myself a sports “follower,” I know what’s what. However, every two years, I watch sports for two weeks solid. The Summer Olympics, the Winter Olympics, I’m down. I’m there for swimming in the Summer, downhill skiing in the Winter. I even watch, maybe especially watch, the obscure sports, like table-tennis, curling, fencing.

I think what I find so compelling about the Olympics is the intensity, the real gravity of what it is to win or lose. Most of these athletes don’t have major sponsorships, no million dollar shoe deals. Most Olympic athletes are simply totally dedicated to being the best at what they do, the world’s best ski-jumper, best skeet-shooter, best fencer. They dedicate everything to their craft, everything to one moment to prove that they really are the top of their game. Many train four years for a jump or a swim that’s over in under one minute. If that one minute goes badly, it’s another four years of sweat and bruises if they want to try again. People who win look over the noon, people who lose look crushed, completely broken.

I’ve mentioned fencing a few times because of a match I watched yesterday. A Lam Shin, from Korea, disputed whether or not her opponent’s final blow counted because of an inaccuracy in the match’s time-keeping. In short, she thought the clock should have run out before her opponent stabbed her in the face (guard). So, her coach filed a formal complaint, and she sat. Her opponent left, A Lam Shin sat, and paced, and wept. She did this for almost an hour total, until officials had to physically, gingerly, lead her away. Leaving means acknowledging the judges’ decision, which she definitely did not. She fought with everything she had because she couldn’t simply allow four years of work and sacrifice to come to nothing because a clock got its math wrong.

The judges ultimately sided with the busted clock, A Lam Shin has another four years of training ahead of her, if she’s able to make the investment again. She lost, it hurt. This is why to a non-sports fan the Olympics are so completely compelling.

I wasn’t going to write anything, I didn’t think The Dark Knight Rises is even worth slamming, but tv changed my mind.

In an ad for The Dark Knight Rises (Rises for short), apparently some reviewer called it “one of the best films ever made.” Yes, I’m certain that every thirty-four year-old living in his mom’s basement thought it was fucking epic, but putting it up there with Cool Hand Luke, Casablanca, Doubt, even The Dark Knight, is a complete, astonishing joke. Rises is, at least in my head, one of the most boring movies ever made. At almost three hours long, it really felt like seven. The action sequences were flat, complete with contrived jumps for sport-bikes. The villain, Bane, was dry and absolutely pointless. I can’t say enough to fully capture how painfully bad The Dark Knight Rises is, I couldn’t wait to leave the theater.

I still love this blog, I still think it can be good again. It’s all up to me, fail or get back up. Everything’s just so hard anymore.