Archive for the 'Random Thought' Category
Too harsh
Okay, I was too mean to Bill Pullman, he did what he had to do. I should kill myself for watching Zero Effect, that’s more fair.
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Falling
Falling asleep thinking about someone, to have them next to me. I wonder what it would be like to hold her hand, softly touch her face, feel her breath against me. I wonder, and I sleep.
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Quitting people
I’ve quit many things, sitting up, breathing without machines, various narcotics, talking. Really, none of it terribly difficult overall, not compared to, say, quitting people. I mean, physical losses are pretty easy. I cannot talk, that’s just a fact. There are other ways to communicate, one adapts. It’s difficult at first, but facts are facts. A fellow can’t expect to live on narcotics either, just watch Most High or A Scanner Darkly and it’s obvious to see where that road ends. So, fine, narcotics, done.
However, quitting people, or a person you honestly love more than any drug, more than your own voice, it’s something I just don’t know how to do, and might never know. That idea is a little frightening. Quitting a person’s so entirely different, there’s no way, that I’m aware, to intellectualize or rationalize it. I mean, I know it’s been done, and that sometimes there’s absolutely no way around it. That’s a very rational line of thought. Still, when looking up at a clear night sky and thinking about that person, rationality jumps from a little metaphorical window and says, “fuck you,” on the way out.
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Maybe he’s right
Maybe Sting has the right of it. He’s not as good as, say, Bono, or Jesus, but maybe he really knows something. Maybe De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da is exactly the right thing to say. Yes, I may, no, should, no, will try it on the next woman I fancy. It’s so stupid it’s brilliant.
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De Do Do Do
I don’t know how it works for Sting, but if I approached a woman for whom I had affectation and simply said, “De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da,” she would never speak to me again.
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Manicure
So, this is stupid and decadent, but just for kicks I went for my first professorial manicure.
I think the polish looks nice with the tattoo.
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Tired
I want to write something, many somethings, but I’m tired. Lots of ideas, no energy to write them.
I feel the Ativan grabbing me by the shoulders, holding me close, breathing softly in my ear. It’s not warm and nice like a lovers touch, it’s cold and lonely. It whispers empty nothings as it lulls me into unconsciousness. A lover’s whisper feels safe, promises something for tomorrow. Held by Ativan, I wake alone, but at least I sleep. My love was my Ativan, sleep warmer, waking brighter.
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Creep
So, I’ve been falling asleep and waking up listening to my iPod. I had more really bad dreams last night. I used to have fake bad dreams about zombies and what-not, but lately I’ve graduated to real ones. Anyway, I had a particularly bad dream and woke up with a start listening to Radiohead’s Creep. It just seems fitting to wake up that way.
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Whorey
This is whorey, but does anybody have a good .mp3 of this video?
