My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Apr 8

At least, it isn’t nothing

Category: Creative Flash

She’s gone, save for in my dreams. She’s with me in my dreams. Always in my dreams. Only in my dreams.

It’s not the same, just the whisper of her voice, her laugh. It’s just the ghost of her kiss, her touch, as if felt through a thin layer of gauze. I gently brush the tips of my fingers across her lips. If I could just let go, just fall completely into my mind, I could feel the softness of her, her tongue caressing my fingertips. She lays her hand on my chest, feels that my heart beats fast and strong and only for her. My heart is pounding as she lays next to me, in that non-place, that place that isn’t a place, where your mind goes while your body sleeps. She drapes her arm across me, holds me close. I don’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else. She feels like home. I say to her, “I don’t want you to go away.” “I won’t,” she says. “I’m right here, don’t be scared,” she says. Being there with her is everything I want, all I want, and I am scared, scared she’ll vanish if I simply breathe too hard, if I look away at just the wrong moment. She holds me closer, kisses me deeply. slow-like. I close my eyes, lean into her, get lost in the kiss, in her…

…and I wake up. Vivid dream to unwanted reality in a blink. My heart is trying to beat its way out of me, through muscle and bone and skin, like it wants to be free of me for once and all. I wake freezing, awash in cold sweat. The room is dark, quiet, lonely. She isn’t next to me. The room may as well be in some hotel, or a hospital, it doesn’t feel like home, and I don’t want to be there. The wheres really don’t matter, without her, the wheres feel the same. So much sameness.

Waking and loss, sunrise and pain, they hold no difference. Still, before the waking and loss, the sunrise and pain, at least she’s with me in my dreams, and that’s something. At least, it isn’t nothing.

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1 Comment so far

  1. Ed Pohl April 9th, 2015 9:23 am