Fragment
…and he got on a bus, a bus to it doesn’t matter where, he didn’t even bother to look. He has one of those passes, he could ride up and down the East coast until next year, if he felt like it. Maybe he does feel like it, life in perpetual motion, motion without movement. Going everywhere, but nowhere.
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So, lately
So, lately my trach’s been bothering me, my ear’s acting up again, so I can’t hear so well. I’m just not feeling so great, I’m kind of nervous all the time. It’s hard to write like that, or just to focus on anything. Then there’s this other box of somethings I can’t write until, I don’t know, five minutes before I die, I guess. I’m trying, though. I’m trying to be better.
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Man Bear Pig: Fiction?
I’m just going to ask a question, I haven’t had time today to write what I hope to write tomorrow… bet356
Being that we saw Man Bear Pig in Imaginationland, does that mean he is simply Al Gore’s psychotic delusion?
Now, many of you will have no idea what I’m talking about, but for those who do…
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Quiet space
I need to actively create some quiet space, just time to focus and write. I’m not doing that, I’m kind of just on auto-pilot, reading, playing World of Warcraft, watching movies. I haven’t had a “going out assistant” since early August, and that never helps anything. Next week should be different. I’m so angry with myself for being… here.
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Long week
It’s been a really long week, I’m tired. I haven’t really been sleeping, I just get exhausted and shut down, then some horrible dream wakes me… It’s a loop. I have too much in my head, too much weight on me. I can’t even write anything simple, I’m too tired.
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Renewed, again
So, I’ve renewed this domain for another year. Is it three years I’ve been doing this, writing this blog? It doesn’t feel like three years, but it is, three years of me writing here. As a whole, I took I’m creating what I’ve always intended, a constantly evolving memoir of sorts. The last few months just haven’t been good, I’m not writing the way I want, I’ve gone off the track in many ways.
I’m going to turn this around, I can’t not.
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Tomorrow, I swear!
So, today simply got away from me, it was hectic. There was a power outage, my vent has between ten and thirty minutes of internal backup power, but I was with some new people who just hadn’t been io that particular situation. They were smart and handled it spectacularly, but it wasn’t automatic, I was more on edge, more shook up than I should have been. I wasn’t calm inside. I’m issuing orders, “You need to go get a vent battery right now.” I wasn’t myself, I feel bad about it. I was too on-edge after.
Anyway, tomorrow, I really write.
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So
So, I’m still struggling with writing, with a lot. I’m working on it.
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Just thoughts
I have too many thoughts in my head, it’s a mess, crowded and cluttered. The solitude, my big, showy, digital self-banishment, that hasn’t helped. Not that it would, not that it could. I mean, my being broken inside, my not being able to write or focus, or feel anything good, none of that has anything to do with IMs or Tweets. I’ve done a lot of thinking recently, mostly when it’s dark and quiet, and I’m alone, wrapped in lonely. I just have to take what’s really weighing me down, and get free of that weight. I’m carrying too much, my backpack is too heavy. I’m exhausted. I’ve felt this way two Halloweens in a row, it’s so… my fault.
