My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Nov 10

Tattoo #27

Category: Life,Tattoos

So, there’s this Nirvana song, Hairspray Queen, and my favorite line ended up being my twenty-seventh tattoo…

I don’t sleep easily. I have trouble turning off my head, I almost never feel content enough to just close my eyes and drift off. I’ve tried liquor to lull me, and meds to make things fade, but honest to Christ sleep is very rare to me. I don’t sleep, I have only the dark to keep me company more often than not. I stay up, sometimes until the night starts to go from black, to grey, to blue. I stay up, and think about so much.

At night, I always feel things that I want so badly, things that the day can drown out. Most nights, I just want a particular someone asleep next to me, asleep with my arm around her. When she’s close I don’t feel lonely, night is actually peaceful. Loneliness is the feeding I hate most, loneliness is all that scares me anymore. Loneliness is why some nights I’ve felt like opening my wrists just to make it stop. At night, what I want is so clear, and the wanting is so intense, whether it’s something beautiful, or… not.


Tattoo by Colt, hardcore fuckin' badass at Doc Dog's Las Vegas Tattoo, Ybor City

“At night, wish the hardest…” It’s so true, at least to me.


4 Comments so far

  1. concrete_bubble (kelly) November 10th, 2009 3:02 pm

    Night is the worst time for me too. During the day I can block out things that I worry about,lost dreams,what the future will be like. At night all those things are so close that I can’t push them away. I can’t ignore them at night.

  2. concrete_bubble (kelly) November 10th, 2009 3:08 pm

    P.S. I really like this tattoo 🙂

  3. Jenny J November 10th, 2009 8:57 pm

    M ~ Same here. Working til midnight at a newspaper doesn’t help. I get home, and it feels like I am the only person awake and ready to explore. Explore anything. I’m often up all night/morning, til 6 a.m. By myself. Sigh.

    Movie recommendation: “Inland Empire.”

  4. Elise February 13th, 2012 6:23 pm

    so perfectly said….my nights haunt me. When the day ends and the nights creep in…the solitude overwhelms me…never loved and always lost and left with no feeling other than lonely…i get inked to feel anything. If pain is going to replace love then…i might as well have a say in what scars will be left behind.