My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I want to let you in, to hand you the key to me.

I want you to see all my locked rooms, the lonely places people never see. They’re all dark, dusty, full of hidden things. I want to show you the rooms that keep my secrets, my fears, the dreams too stupid to show anyone else.

I’ve locked so many rooms, guided people away from the things I don’t trust to anyone. The things I didn’t trust to anyone, until you showed up one day.

I want you to see everything, to know everything and maybe stay awhile. I want you to stay, though I want most people to go.

I want to let you in, to hand you the key to me. It’s scary wanting something so much, scary to feel so much trust. You might not take the key, you might not like what you find inside. You might say, “Goodbye, nice try.” So much I don’t know, but I want to let you in.

He lays down, cold and alone, a thousand thoughts in his head, and nothing to say. How he got there doesn’t matter. He can’t stay awake. He closes his eyes, and hopes to wake somewhere nice.

You have your masks, you wear them everyday. Masks cover your walls, you take them down to cover you, so you can be who you need to be. Happy masks, funny masks, masks to cover the sad and the suicide. Masks to cover the empty and the lonely. The masks are heavy, they make you tired. You hate that you need them, or maybe you hate everything they hide. Maybe it’s both, you’re too frayed to know. So many masks you can’t think straight, so many masks you don’t want to wear.

So many Goddamn fucking masks, killing you without killing you.

So, I saw it there on the bar, scribbled in pencil on a scrap of paper, stuck under a dead shot glass. العاب اندرويد The place was dark, filled with smoke and people, people having a better time than me. I’m not really sure how I noticed it, or why I bothered to pick up that glass to read what I read. لعب قمار حقيقي It was just there, someone’s thought, someone’s prayer, stuck under a dead shot glass, written on a dying scrap of paper. Just two lines, just a nothing of a prayer.

I want to be next to you right now, you so close, my hand touching your face. كيف تربح المال من النت I want to kiss you slow, I want to tell you I love you with the voice in my head.

I put it back, left it there. I wonder if it ever ended up where it was supposed to go.

Drugs, and liquor, and loneliness, and ghosts.They’ll hold you close and kiss you slow. They’re forever friends, eager lovers.

They’ll hold your hand, they’ll walk you home. Drugs, and liquor, and loneliness, and ghosts. They’ll fling you toward oblivion, and you’ll welcome the push.

Stay with me awhile, your head on my shoulder.

Stay with me awhile, looking at me the way you do.

Stay with me awhile, the two of us in the dark.

Stay in case the zombies come, stay in case tomorrow doesn’t.

Stay because I love you, and because I’m why you look at me the way you do.

Stay with me awhile, let me kiss you slow.

Let me hold you close, let me stay awhile.

He looks at her while she’s sleeping, sleeping next to him. It’s barely light out, the sky is pale grey mixed with soft orange, a melancholy rain tickles the ground outside of his bedroom window.  It’s dusk out, peaceful, and she looks so beautiful in the fading light.  Her eyes are closed, her breathing is easy, and looking at her, he wishes time would stop. He wishes time would leave them alone awhile, would just let them be together in that perfect dusk awhile longer.

Time doesn’t listen to wishes, it doesn’t listen to prayers. Time moves as fast or as slow as it wants, and it never stops, it just washes over us until we drown in it. Looking at her in the almost-dark, holding her close, he feels time rushing by. He loves her, madly and deeply, deeper because he feels the tide of time rising up until one day it will consume everything.

To me she’s like sunlight through green leaves. She’s like brandy and opiates.

She’s all bright stars and moonbeams. She’s like all my favorite songs.

To me she’s everything beautiful in the world. She’s everything I don’t deserve.

He came with her tonight, into blissful oblivion.

Her hair tossed back, eyes closed and showing so much. Her face flushed, gorgeous.

His breath hard, fast. Him knowing where they’re going, knowing he can’t stop it.

They’re all sweat, and skin, and exquisite sin.

He came with her into that place of perfect nothingness, white hot decadence.

He came with her tonight, into blissful oblivion.

You were always there, always in his head.

You were a one way conversation, incoming words remembered.

You were I love you, I want you, stay with me, I miss you… leave me…

Your voice, a loop in his head, a circular song leading nowhere.

Lifeless lifeless, going nowhere, but he knew the one thing he could do that’d make a whisper out of you.

A razor down his wrists, bleeding out on paper, liquor and opium to make it all a dream.

He closed his eyes, the world went away, and he made a whisper out of you.