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When the zombies come: Opening doors

July 24th, 2010 | Category: Life,When the Zombies Come

I have this spectacular assistant, Stacy. Stacy show’s up a little early, works late when necessary. She’s excellent at talking with the alphabet, she does little things I need before I ask, she always follows the notes I write, follows them perfectly. I like saying to her, “You’re a professional.” She’ll perform any task given, with grace, and class, and… Well, almost any task. She prefers not to open doors. Like, if we’re at the mall, or a restaurant, she’ll always try to let anyone who’s near go ahead and open the door. Nobody ever shuts the door on us, someone always holds it. Someone always holds the door for us, for now, but what happens when the zombies come? Not if, when. So, I asked Stacy when I was making fun of her for not being a professional about opening doors, I asked, “What are you going to do when the zombies comes?”

The zombies are coming, maybe not right now, or tomorrow, or in ten years, but they are coming, and when they do come we will no longer be a “Everyone holds the door open” society. It’ll be a free-for-all on getting through and closing that door behind you. Parents will immediately abandon strollers in favor of those baby backpacks. It’ll be babies in backpacks, and doors being slammed shut, and blood, and screaming, and zombies, and chaos. That’s how it’ll be when the zombies come.

Tonight, Stacy purposefully opened two doors for us by herself. She really is a professional.

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