My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

May 7

5 Weeks= Fresh Trache in the Morning

Category: Life

In about six hours, I go for yet another fresh trache. I’ve written something like this for most of my trache changes, not including the emergency ones, so I feel weird not writing it.

It’s funny, I used to be terrified of them, but now I actually kind of like my five week visit to the O.R. Everybody’s quite nice, I really like my doctors, we’re pretty close by now. Before the procedure, there’s usually a solid two hour wait, but it’s not an awful sort. I always have my iPod. I close my eyes and listen to music, try to get lost with Elliott Smith, Aimee Mann, Nirvana. Usually, I think about things I want to write later. I think about a few people who really mean something to me, a few people I love, a few people gone and missed terribly. I get nice drugs to fall asleep before the little tube is yanked out of my throat, and replaced. I get nice drugs when I wake up, unless something absolutely ridiculous happens and I don’t wake up.

I’m never particularly scared before trache changes anymore, there are other things that scare me far more. If I die tomorrow, I’ll go out high on the ferris wheel, listening to great music. There are worse ways to meet The End.


4 Comments so far

  1. Jeff May 8th, 2009 1:41 am

    Hope the day goes well. I just watched you on TAL and found your blog. Your a pretty cool dude and a great writer… I’m jealous bitch.

  2. Jeff P. May 8th, 2009 8:56 am

    Good luck!

  3. Eileen May 8th, 2009 9:06 am

    if you believe in God Michael, as you say you do, think of it not as “the End” but as “the Beginning”. Have you ever listened to any Christian music? There is a song that I heard in my church around Easter called “The End of the Beginning” by David Phelps. I don’t listen to alot of Christian music but this is a great song with a great message.
    Anyway, look forward to hearing from you that your trache change went well.

  4. Ali M. May 8th, 2009 10:14 am

    Hope it goes well!