My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Jun 3

Tattoo #35

Category: Life,Tattoos

Tattoo by Fish, Doc Dog's Las Vegas Tattoo, Ybor City

So, my thirty-fifth tattoo is from an Alanis Morissette song, Can’t Not, which is on my favorite Alanis album, Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie.

To me, the song is about how artists practice their craft in spite of criticism, scrutiny, and the pain one feels from being struck by such weapons. People who are passionate about their craft, whether it’s visual art, or music, or writing, they feel a drive to share what they create, to put it out there for anyone to take in. Sharing such creation opens one up to not only praise, but also harsh words and deep criticism. It can be painful for one to have what they create knocked and dismissed, spoken badly of, but that drive to create and share outweighs any feelings of pain that come from practicing one’s craft with absolute honesty. Creation for the sake of creation, whether anyone likes it or not. Alanis writes songs that make people uncomfortable, some just flat out don’t like her, and that dislike hurts, but she simply can’t not write those songs. She can’t not be herself and create with complete honesty.

Whenever I write about depression, or suicide, or sex, or derision toward God, fictionally or otherwise, it is likely to upset someone (especially people close to me). Honesty in writing, particularly when it comes to personal subjects, isn’t always welcome, but this is what I do and I can’t not do it. No matter how much I hate any personal fallout the things I write can cause, this is my craft and I can’t not practice it.

Really, I have something deep inside me, something that pushes me to do things no matter what. I can’t not do things like, tell a woman how completely I love her, even though she might not love me back, or look into her eyes and tell her how much I want to kiss her, to take off all her clothes for the first time. I can’t not travel and experience things, even though something could go astonishingly wrong with the machines, and hoses, and tubes that keep me breathing. I almost died going to a movie last December, but I can’t not go, and do, and be. I do things because I can’t not.


2 Comments so far

  1. Ormolu June 3rd, 2010 3:37 pm

    Very well said. It’s a funny drive, isn’t it? Creation for the sake of creation, as you said. And then the sharing on top of that, hoping that others will appreciate what you have poured your heart into.

    I don’t know that I ever thanked you personally, so I’ll take the moment now – you have inspired me to live more openly and honestly through your own example. I thank you for it.


  2. CountessM June 28th, 2010 10:34 am

    I must agree with the above comment. I think the complexieties of a person is what makes them more interesting.

    For what little I know about you, you live you life more openly and honestly than anyone I know. Thank you for doing this and inspiring me to get a grip on mine. Only months ago Inwas ready to kill myself, just curl up and die. The fight in me was gone. But you have helped me discover the fight in me.

    Keep on being you, it’s such a lovely thing.