My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Dec 16

Long time, no… yeah

Category: Life

So, I haven’t written in awhile, a long while. I won’t say that I needed the break, but I took it just the same. I just haven’t felt like writing, or maybe, I haven’t felt like anything in my head is worth writing. I’ve been really down, way down… and nervous. I haven’t felt this kind of nervous in a really long time. I have so much worry and lonely in my head, I just, I don’t know. I just want to be with the one person who makes everything okay, she pushes away all the dark, but I’m here and she’s not, and I’m scared. Everything’s so fucked. I made her go because I thought I was in the way, I felt like she would be better without me. I said it, I made her go, but it’s not what I wanted, I don’t think it’s fucking true at all. We fit, I know we fit because when we’re alone, when it’s just us, it’s easy. We’re better together, we feel like we can breathe… and I fucked everything.


4 Comments so far

  1. John December 16th, 2014 2:20 am

    Glad you’re back. I’ve been wondering where you’ve been. I was going to check Facebook to see if you have been active there, but to be honest I’ve kinda tuned out myself. But man I’m glad to see your post and look forward to more.

    I think she’ll be back in your life. She makes you happy, and you make her happy. Too powerful of a thing for the universe not to connect you two again.

    She’ll be back… You’ll be back…

  2. Elaine December 17th, 2014 12:16 am

    Happy to have you back Michael. Looking forward to seeing more of your writing & reviews!

  3. Ed December 17th, 2014 1:00 pm

    Hi Michael: I’m Ed, a fence contractor from a small town in Pennsylvania. I bookmarked your blog a long time ago after seeing your This American Life episode — it was included as an extra on the last DVD for Season 2 of The Tudors, which I borrowed from my local public library (see Special Features at ), but I hadn’t read your blog since the day I bookmarked it.

    Today I was organizing my bookmarks, and when I didn’t recognize your url I opened your blog and started reading some of the posts at random. I thought one of your posts ( ) was one of the best things I ever read, so I decided to subscribe. Your perspective on life is enlightening.

    I also saw that you’ve been to Baton Rouge ( ). I spend at least a week each year there, visiting close friends who are like family to me.

    I hope you’re in a better state of mind today than you were yesterday, or you’re at least trying to find a better one. You can’t go back, so what is the use of beating yourself up with regrets? Try looking around to see what other avenues may be opening for you.

    Here’s a movie recommendation for you: . I don’t know if you’ll like it, but I found it fascinating. Many regards.

  4. Georgette December 21st, 2014 2:30 am

    So glad you’re back! I enjoy reading anything you write, because you write from the heart….I’m sorry you’re at a dark place right now and hope that you will soon ease out of it and things will lighten up for you….