My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Oct 17

Tattoo #82

Tattoo by Kyle, Doc Dog's Las Vegas Tattoo, Ybor

Tattoo by Kyle, Doc Dog’s Las Vegas Tattoo, Ybor

So, we come now to tattoo #82, a lyric from one of my favorite songs, not just by Aimee Mann, but by anyone. The song is off of Aimee Mann’s fourth studio record, Lost in Space… the song is called, It’s Not.

It’s Not is really quite a sad song, yet very beautiful. It’s about being stuck, stuck without a way out. Sometimes life just doesn’t go in the right direction, and it feels as though it never will. It’s a horrible place to be, it’s horrible to feel utterly stuck, knowing deep down that nothing can pull you out of that blackness. I’ve visited that blackness, many times, too many times, and Aimee’s lyrics capture that blackness so completely. She describes such an awful place with beautiful words. Perfect words.

Now, even though It’s Not is astonishingly sad, it still holds happy memories for me. It played many evenings while someone I love slept peacefully with her head against my shoulder. I sang it to myself with a voice no one will ever hear as I looked into her eyes under a clear night sky one cold New Year’s Eve. I could get so lost in her eyes… she really did make everything and everyone else just an afterthought.

She’s gone, yet I miss her everyday, love her everyday. It scares me to write gone, scares me that I’ll never again hear her voice, or feel her asleep next to me… her soft warm breath against my neck.

I don’t want never, I want to go home.


5 Comments so far

  1. maria October 17th, 2015 11:15 am

    beautifully written

  2. Jay October 18th, 2015 10:22 am

    Nice tat. I wish I had the balls to tattoo all my fave lyrics all over myself! I have quite a few hours of that painful buzzing sound under my belt myself…both arms sleeved, little bit on my back, and a bit on my chest… On my back I have the word “Afterglow” with a green star in tribute to the band Everclear. You know of them? I have a big male angel on my right front bicep(part of the sleeve)as an ode to Pearl Jam’s “Given to Fly.” Also, (I hope I’m not boring you man?), I have the dynamite/bomb drawing from the inside cd booklet of Green Day’s “Dookie” album. The dynamite is in relation to the song “Having a Blast.” Love that album. And to round out the music-based work I have a gravestone that reads “Forever.” It’s a Dropkick Murphys tune that really hits me hard in the chest. I’m sure you know the feeling…you’re a music guy!
    Thanx for taking the time to write to everyone. Really cool idea. I also enjoy writing, it’s just tough to find the time these days. Aimee Mann is such a gift to us all. I can’t wait to check that tune out you wrote about. That was great how you started out just casually recommending a song and before you knew it you were topping off a beautiful little “piece” about longing, missing someone, and pain. It was nice. Welp, hang in there Mike, my apologies on not being a little more prolific in returning these writings you so kindly turn over to the world. I’ll try to be better at that. It’s the least I/we can do right!?. Thanx for listening pal…Jay

  3. Jay October 18th, 2015 8:10 pm

    Very nice. I’m going to have to start listening to Aimee Mann.

  4. Ed Pohl October 21st, 2015 7:07 pm

    Michael, I just went listened to Aimee Mann sing “It’s Not” (for the first time, as far as I can remember). The song is sweet but melancholy, much like your post. I hope you’ll find that kind of love again one day. By the way, I was surprised that, after 81 previous tattoos, you still had that much clear space left on your body.

  5. Sarah J November 8th, 2015 1:37 pm

    Are any of your tattoos not words? Not trying to be rude, just curious. I wanted a few lyrics on my sleeve and my tattoo artist complied but when I came back for me, he wondered if I couldn’t come up with a beautiful image instead. He said “any more words and you’ll start to look like an old school desk” and that always stuck with me. So glad I went with pictures and words because I love my sleeve so much.