My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Mar 1

With her for a little while

Category: Life

So, I have this dream, or nightmare, either way I have it almost every night. Just, last night it was especially vivid, I see it and feel it all these hours later.

I’m with someone I love, she’s so beautiful, so right there. Her brown eyes are deep and smart, I can’t look away. It doesn’t matter though, she’s going to look away from me. She’s leaving. She says she loves me, always, but she’s leaving. She’s kisses me, and I fall into the kiss, into her. She’s soft and warm and I don’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else, not then and not ever. When she pulls away, it feels like all the air goes out if my lungs, I can’t breathe. I know she’s leaving and the sense of loss is so great I feel like I’ll never breathe again, and I’m scared. I’m not scared that I can’t breathe, I’m scared because she’s going away and I’ll never hear her voice, never hold her close, ever again.

Then I woke up. I wanted to look over and see her next to me, but the space was dark and empty. Despite the little plastic tube in my throat that connects to the hose that connects to the machine that pushes air into my lungs, I couldn’t catch my breath, and I was scared. I was scared because she wasn’t there, scared because she’s so completely far away. I felt so completely fucking alone. I feel so completely fucking alone.

I don’t hate the dream, nightmare, delusion, fuck all. Whatever. At least I’m with her for a little while.

1 comment

1 Comment so far

  1. John March 2nd, 2016 1:30 pm

    I was right there with you too – although my girl has blue eyes… Very well written.