My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…
Archive for November 28th, 2012

Tattoo #63

November 28th, 2012 | Category: Life,Opinions,Tattoos,Thoughts on Music


Tattoo by Fish, Doc Dog’s Las Vegas Tattoo, Ybor City

So, this tattoo is from a spectacular Elliott Smith song, Last Call, from his very first record, Roman Candle. Last Call is what bartenders yell out before the bar closes, your last chance to get a little more smashed before it’s time to stumble on home. I’ve heard my share of last calls. The song’s about a fellow who got out of a really brutal relationship, a relationship that cost him, hurt him, and nnw that he’s out, he just wants to forget. He wants to forget the lies, he wants to forget how much he hurts, he wants to turn off his mind, every thought in his head, until everything dark is gone. Until she is gone.

I totally get the song, and I never thought I would, but I do. These lyrics are etched into my foot, but the entire line goes, “You start to drink, you just want to continue. It’ll all be yesteryear soon.”

I was with this girl, Monica, and she hurt me a lot. The last time I drank, it was a few years ago, I drank enough to possibly end me. I totally wasn’t aiming to end me, I just wanted to turn off for awhile. I didn’t want to think about her, I didn’t want to think about being let-down, led on, about feeling lonely, and why I went back over and over and over again. I just didn’t want to think about any of it, at least for a little while. So, even back then, I got the song. Fast forward to last September-ish, it’s kind of a blur, Monica was long gone, physically I felt so weak, I was lonely, completely lonely, the loss of my assistants was sounding finished, and I just kept thinking, “my life can’t stay like this, can’t end like this, it has to get better.”

That’s what was going through my head when I got tattoo #62.

1 comment