My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Archive for the 'Creative Flash' Category

Random words

April 15th, 2011 | Category: Attempted Poetry,Creative Flash,Random Thought,Writing

I could put down a bunch of violets

February 18th, 2011 | Category: Creative Flash,Life

I could put down a bunch of words, but they wouldn’t do anything, or mean anything, or change anything. Or I could put down a bunch of violets. Violets violets violets violets violets violets violets violets violets violets violets violets violets violets violets violets violets violets violets. Either way, it’s the same affect, no matter the words. Whatever I put down is passionless, pointless.

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Wet for you

January 15th, 2011 | Category: Creative Flash,Zombie Erotica

You wake to lips on your neck, gently caressing, searching. Cold fingers on your chest, sliding toward your shoulders, pinning you down.

Her long dark hair’s in your face, tiny curls tickling your nose, her tongue wrapped around yours.

She’s already naked, already wet for you, from you. Her breasts, her body, pressed hard against you, her legs hugging your waist.

She’s going to take you inside her, she’ll hold you there, deeply. You’ll come deep in her, sooner rather than later, whether you want to or not. She’s taken you past the place of choice.

You can’t breathe, or speak. Her teeth tore into your throat, ripped out your tongue.

You’re inside her and she’s soaking wet, wet with your blood.

You’ve never been with a woman like her, nor will you ever be again.

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Fragment

November 19th, 2010 | Category: Creative Flash

…and he got on a bus, a bus to it doesn’t matter where, he didn’t even bother to look. He has one of those passes, he could ride up and down the East coast until next year, if he felt like it. Maybe he does feel like it, life in perpetual motion, motion without movement. Going everywhere, but nowhere.

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In you, and on you, and with you

September 04th, 2010 | Category: Attempted Poetry,Creative Flash

She’s in your head and in your heart, she’s all over your skin. She’s this beautiful, nebulous maybe, yes, I don’t know, possibly.

She’s please God, please. Let me stay here, just let me stay. Please. Talking to God at 4 a.m. with the voice in your head, the voice no one hears.

She’s bright light and right in front. She’s vanish and perfect dark.

She’s sad songs, and lonely songs.

She’s Heaven and Purgatorying.

She’s want and wait, air and breathlessness.

She’s love and safe, peace and sleep.

She’s home and away, too far and away.

She’s your muse and your torment, forever in you, and on you, and with you.

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Like lightning

July 22nd, 2010 | Category: Creative Flash

She leans over and kisses you, and it’s like lightning. You close your eyes and fall into her, or she falls into you, or maybe you’re falling into each other. You close your eyes, her lips touching yours, and the world doesn’t go black, you’re not wrapped in darkness. You’re wrapped in light, white blinding light, complete, and radiant, and so right now. You’re enveloped in this radiance, totally fucking lost in it. Her lips wrap around yours, yours wrap around hers, and with every touch the light gets hotter, even more total. Your lips brush her cheek, her neck, she grabs at your hair, pulls harder with every kiss.

Electricity flies through her and into you, burning away all the fear and loneliness that’s been enfolded around your heart for so very long. Every nerve in your body is alive and screaming. The current from her touch runs down your spine to the tips of your toes, and for this series of perfect moments you know what it’s like to feel truly happy, truly in love.

You’ll fall asleep holding her close, dazed from feeling what it’s like to be struck by lightning

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Well, goodbye

May 25th, 2010 | Category: Creative Flash

So, in about ten minutes I’m going to die. I woke up late, my alarm didn’t go off. My alarm didn’t go off because the power went out. The power went out because, well, and this is so fucking stupid, apparently some giant fucking monster sauntered out of the Pacific Ocean and decided to crush San Diego. Who knows what woke the thing? Maybe it was off-shore oil drilling. Maybe I played my music too loud. Maybe this whole Goddamn thing is my fault because the fucker doesn’t like listening to Heart-Shaped Box at 4 AM. I don’t know, nobody seems to know. Just before the radio went out they were talking about casualties, people abandoning their cars on gridlocked roadways trying to get away on foot, trampling each other to death and getting nowhere. There’s nowhere to go, between the fucking Cloverfield Godzilla Sea Monster and the military trying to kill it, it’s nothing but chaos outside.

I’d rather just sit here with my Goddamn breakfast, my last meal of Fruit Loops and a bottle of vodka, than die out there in that sea of inhumanity. I’m just talking into this tape recorder because it seemed like the thing to do, to save a piece of me. I’m going to get smashed or burned to death, but maybe this tape and my voice will stay without me. I don’t know. Maybe Cloverfield Godzilla whatever the fuck it is will be the end of everything and my stupid voice on this stupid tape won’t mean a Goddamn fuckin’ thing. I don’t know. I really don’t know much of anything after twenty-nine years. I wish I could laugh about this because it’s so absurd, but I can’t. I hear sirens and gunfire, smell smoke and a million dead fish. I’m going to die and I’m scared. I’m thinking about someone who isn’t here, someone I love so much. If you’re alive and you get to hear my voice on this tape, I love you and I wish we’d had more time. I know it’s pointless to say that, but it’s all I can think about just now.

I think I have time to polish off this vodka. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me after I close my eyes for the last time. I wish to God this would just stop, but You’re not going to do anything, are You, you fucker? Maybe You’re not even there and I’m just sitting here talking to no one. If You are there, and You are listening, I’m sorry. I don’t know, I really don’t know anything.

I don’t know what else to say, except, well, goodbye.

4 comments

Connection to Divinity

May 25th, 2010 | Category: Creative Flash

She’s all curly brown hair, soft brown eyes, eyes so beautiful you’re afraid to look into them for more than a breath, or a heartbeat. You’re afraid of getting lost in those eyes, afraid of not being able to find a way out again. You’re afraid that they’ll look into you so deeply, afraid they’ll see everything inside you and look away. You’re afraid how those eyes love you, but one day might not.

She’s an angel. She’s your warm and safe, and everything good. Her eyes are your connection to Divinity in the here and now, in this world of blue skies that fade to black and fill with stars. She’s your paradise found.

The worst torture in Hell is said to be the absence of God, the loss of connection from one’s soul to Divinity. You look into those soft brown eyes, the eyes of your angel, and you don’t look away. You know you’re already damned.

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Open mic at Sacred Grounds 03/08/10

March 10th, 2010 | Category: Creative Flash,Life

So, Monday night my friends, Jimmy and Danielle, voiced four of my pieces at Sacred Grounds‘ open mic night…

Telling a story, The world outside is burning, One passing dusk, and He came with her.

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Telling a story

March 05th, 2010 | Category: Creative Flash

He’s sitting there on the kitchen floor, shitty, white linoleum. He’s sitting there, back against a cold steel fridge, a half a bottle of Percocet crushed and dissolved in a tumbler of vodka nestled in his right hand, a carving knife in his left. He’s set to tell a story, beginning, to middle, to end. He could be in the bathroom right now, lying in a warm bubble bath, clutching a bottle of red wine mixed with Xanax in one hand, and a straight-razor in the other, but that wouldn’t be the right setting for telling this particular story. It’d be too soft, too expected, it wouldn’t speak in the right tone. No, the kitchen with a tumbler of vodcacet, and a carving knife, that, well, that will really grab readers, really pull them close. He wants someone close.

So, he’s sitting there, it’s 3:00 AM, dull moonlight pours in through a large skylight. He likes this room because of that skylight, sipping hot coffee in the morning sun, sitting here right now, under a clear night sky. He likes feeling outside, yet not.  He looks toward his vodkacet, knows he’s about to feel so good, so warm. It’ll feel cold in his mouth, burn as he swallows. He’ll be wrapped in a cozy blanket of false contentment. That feeling will be the off-brand version of a lover’s touch, or kiss, or the decadent oblivion found inside the right woman, lying on tousled silk sheets. The off-brand version of how it feels to wake in the morning and see her face. He sighs and takes a sip, decides not to stop until the glass is empty. It feels just like he imagined it would, maybe better. Just now, Goddamn fuckin’ zombies could shamble into the room to keep his company piece by piece, he wouldn’t care. He’s floating around, and hanging out on clouds.

With that warm feeling washing over him, floating on clouds, he takes the carving knife, runs it down both wrists, left and right, slow and vertical. It doesn’t hurt, the vodkacet makes a whisper of all the pain he’s ever felt. His arms feel warm and wet, life pooling all around him, telling a story. He’s bleeding letters, letters forming words, forming sentences, forming paragraphs. It’s a story of loneliness, and tedium, frustration, and loss, and failure. A story spreading out all over that shitty linoleum floor, for anyone to read. A story that goes and then, and then, and then, falling toward resolution.

He closes his eyes, begins to feel sleepy. He thinks about this story that’s spilling out around him, slow and quiet-like, wonders how exactly it will end. He’s writing a stream of consciousness, and he doesn’t know where it might stop.

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