My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Jun 14

A Change

Category: Life

So, I’ve been pretty depressed for a solid year, with very few bright spots. For the last few weeks, I haven’t been able to write, or think straight, or anything. Living in my head hasn’t been a good scene. I’ve hated myself for so long, ever since Sara (the ex) left. I blamed myself entirely for losing her, and that sort of guilt felt like a rock on my chest. I quit being me, I quit moving forward. I just wanted to go back, back to when I was happy, back to waking up next to her in the morning. I felt like I would never be whole again. Fortunately, that feeling has passed.

I’ve recently had a change of thought, I honesty feel like my old self again. I don’t blame myself for what happened, I’ve let it all go. I see a good future again, I don’t feel lost and broken. I finally feel right again.


7 Comments so far

  1. josh June 14th, 2009 4:02 pm

    Good for you, Michael. It always feels so refreshing to move on from something that seeps into every crack of being.

  2. Jennifer June 14th, 2009 4:58 pm

    Sooo glad to hear that.

  3. Ormolu June 14th, 2009 6:40 pm

    I am very glad to hear this. It’s time to move forward again.


  4. Buzzstein (a.ka. Jeff P.) June 14th, 2009 8:50 pm

    Good to hear it.

  5. undeadbydawn June 14th, 2009 9:00 pm


    The world would be a far, far better place if more people accepted the impossibility of ‘going back’. There are always at least two people involved in any relationship, so by definition it *cannot* be all your fault, even when it seems 100% that way.

    You’re pretty obviously a decent guy. It may not feel much, but that’s a bloody good start to getting life back together.

    Keep talking, yo?

  6. Kara June 15th, 2009 5:59 am

    I’m glad you’re feeling better about things. 🙂

  7. Nieta June 15th, 2009 12:33 pm

    I’m excited to see what you’ll do. <3