My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Aug 4

I just want to scream

I just want to scream right now, scream like Kurt at his last show. SHE LIKES TO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO…! You don’t need to know any of the lyrics, you can know everything from his cracked screams, he’s hurting, and exhausted, and fighting some fight he doesn’t see winning. He’s dying and screaming and thrashing his guitar for anyone to watch because he doesn’t know what else to do. Maybe I see these things because I see the me in him or the him in me, or both. I just, I know how he was feeling. I see how he always, always looks alone on stage, not just in this last show. Kurt always looks like he’s by himself, like he’s not connected to the world save for small glances here and there, tiny connections that burn bright and fast then flame out.

I just want to scream for all the time, the years, the fucking loss, loss of her, my everything. I want to scream for all her thoughtlessness, treating my heart like it’s nothing. I want to scream because I know it would feel better than crying feels.

I’m scared to fall asleep.


2 Comments so far

  1. ultrafknbd August 4th, 2011 2:22 am


  2. Mindy August 4th, 2011 4:53 pm

    I wish I could offer you words that would make your pain go away, but all I’ve got is cliche. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

    On a somewhat related note, have you heard the Breed cover by Titus Andronicus? It’s actually pretty damn amazing.