My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Archive for July, 2014


July 31st, 2014 | Category: Life,Opinions

Today was slow, really slow.

Right now, I’m watching Hard Candy, in honor of my friend, Celeste’s, birthday. It’s kind of our movie. It’s one of those movies with no middle-ground, you either think it’s fucking awesome, or you’re totally mortified. Celeste and I weren’t mortified. البلاك جاك

Happy birthday, Celeste!

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I am alive!

July 30th, 2014 | Category: Life

So, WordPress is kind enough to track the search terms used to find my blog. Lots of people find me searching about tattoos, or song lyrics, or tattoos involving song lyrics. Some of the searches are really bizarre, the weirdest (so far) involved having intimate relations with a “trach hole.” Whoever you are that searched that, I think you should schedule appointments with several kinds of doctors. Generally, though, people are searching for me directly, because of the This American Life episode. People search, and find me. Finding me looks pretty straightforward, but… one search caught my eye…

“is mike phillips from this american life alive”

Yes, as of July 30th, 2014, I am pretty much, alive. Thank you for your search, whoever, I will let you know (but not really, if you think about it) of any changes regarding my living.

Watch this space.


Like Bilbo

July 29th, 2014 | Category: Life

So… I hate staring at the blank white page with no idea what to write, other than writing that I hate staring at the blank white page with no idea what to write. Still, it’s something.

I’m tired today, my brain is tired. I feel like Bilbo, thin, like butter spread over too much bread. I’ve felt like this before, probably written so before, but it’s never been this thin, this worn. You know, it’s this house, it’s my trach (the little plastic tube in my throat), it’s life,  it’s wanting to be close to someone who’s far-away.

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Waiting for 4

July 28th, 2014 | Category: Life,Random Thought

So, I started running this blog in 2008, with whatever version of WordPress that existed way back then. I think it was version 2.5, possibly 2.6, either way, it was lots of upgrades ago. In all those upgrades, I’ve yet to back anything up (as recommended), and yet to destroy the blog. I don’t worry, the blog’s going to end when it’s supposed to, it’s all up to WordPress Jesus. He’s like Kitty Jesus, or People Jesus, but for WordPress, He decides which blogs go to WordPress Heaven. Anyway, yes, my blog has come quite a way from its humble 2.x beginning.

Right now, I’m not-so-patiently waiting for WordPress 4.0. Why? Because I’m weird and I like new software. It gets dull looking at the same interface every day. No, I don’t write every day, but I do at least log in.


Book review blast, July 2014: horror

July 28th, 2014 | Category: Opinions,Thoughts on Writing

So, I’ve been reading a lot, 2008 levels. My current reading is more out of abject depression, whereas 2008 was more, Sara and I liked reading. Still, reading is reading…

Not all of these books are new, I just consider them important.

I read the Strain Trilogy in under two weeks, and loved it. If you’re after gritty vampire fiction told in a sweeping story that depicts the complete and brutal fall of civilization to a rogue strain of vampires, hit the Strain Trilogy. If you’re watching the tv series and don’t so much like it, don’t let that detract from the books, they’re a much richer experience.

I’ve been reading a lot of Cherie Priest, more her tales of the supernatural rather than her Steampunk stuff. She’s now legend for her Clockwork Century series, but her ghost stories and tales of werewolf religious cults are pretty fucking awesome too. Check out the Eden Moore Trilogy, and Dreadful Skin, and also, for a total surprise, read Those Who Went Remain. Cherie Priest has a gift for (much like our next author) building fictional worlds out of real places. She takes the deep South, the far-West, and fills these wild places with tales of the wronged dead come to collect their due, or she shows us things that are quite alive and out for blood.

I’d already read and literally had nightmares from The Red Tree, Silk, and Threshold. Caitlin R. Kiernan is truly a master of brutal psychological horror that isn’t afraid to turn physical in a blink. I’ve recently read Low Red Moon, Daughter of Hounds (follow ups to Threshold), and Murder of Angels (follow up to Silk). Then I read her latest, a stand-alone novel, The Drowning Girl: A Memoir. I also have to note one of Kiernan’s story collections. Generally, story collections don’t floor me, but Alabaster: Pale Horse, does. Alabaster is a collection of tales about one character, Dancy Flammarion, an albino girl guided by an angel to slay beings of true evil. Each story draws you in until the terrifying last page. Everything Kiernan writes is something special. Her worlds are completely realized, I feel like I could take a drive to Alabama, Rhode Island, and find demons, ghouls, warring angels. I feel sad for the characters who live damaged, mourn those who don’t survive. Caitlin R. Kiernan writes lush, dark, beautiful stories, she’s not to be missed.

Johannes Cabal is a Necromancer of some little infamy, and everything Jonathan L. Howard has written about him is worth reading. The Cabal books are darkly humorous, full of wit and charm. A bit back I read Howard’s latest, Johannes Cabal: The Fear Institute, and it’s top-notch. Johannes Cabal aims to thwart Death, to fully rip people from Death’s cold embrace. He’s after the Necromancer’s Unholy Grail, and I hope he finds it, but not for at least a few more books.

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What now?

July 27th, 2014 | Category: Life

So, my writing troubles feel like they’ve bottomed out. I can’t see how things could possibly feel any worse, any more stuck. I’m taking this feeling as something good, as a positive state of affairs. Now that my writing is so totally fucked, now that I’ve tumbled all the way down the hill, it’s a good time to trudge back up said metaphorical hill. It’s time to just start writing thoughts, every day (if I can swing it), until everything starts firing hot again. I’ll just begin with whatever thoughts are floating around in my head, even if they feel dull, because I know that the sharper writings will follow.

I think a lot about Tivoli, every day, really, and I know that she wouldn’t want me not writing. She wouldn’t want me just shutting down like I am. I wish I could talk to her, not that I don’t. I talk to her a lot, a lot a lot, she just doesn’t answer back. I wish Tivoli could answer back.


Feeling nervous

July 10th, 2014 | Category: Life

So, lately I’m really nervous. It’s hard to focus on anything, hard to think. It’s all stuck in my head, so many things I’m scared to write. I don’t even feel like me anymore. If I were me, I could write write it, but I can’t. I feel like I’m just a ghost of me.


Today’s the 4th of July…

July 04th, 2014 | Category: Life,Random Thought

Every year, today, I listen to Aimee Mann sing 4th of Julyand every year it sounds truer than the year before. There’s a line that I’ll likely get tattooed on me before I’m done…

“It’s one of my faults that I can’t quell my past, I ought to have gotten it gone…”

That line hits me, all I want to do anymore is to go back, which is absolutely the worst kind of want, a completely impossible want.

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