My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Aug 1

Aimee’s Moth

Category: Life,Random Thought

I’m Aimee Mann’s Goddamn fucking moth. I’m fueled by need and anger desperation. I need the life I want. I’m angry it’s so difficult. I’m desperate not to fail. I’m sick as shit of people telling me what’s “best” for me. I’m sick as shit of people pretending to know what’s in my heart and in my head. My biggest fucking mistake is trying to please everybody while not pleasing myself. I’m done. I’m out. Fuck it. Fuck doing what I’m told. Fuck juggling everybody’s happiness. That doesn’t get me anywhere but miserable. Fuck wasting time. Barring something incredibly stupid, everybody I know is going to outlive me, so fuck not pleasing myself. Fuck feeling guilty about the things that I want. Fuck it all. I’m a good Goddamn person, flawed like anyone, but good. I’ve endured a whole Goddamn fucking lot in my 27 years and I have held up pretty fucking well. The same people who tell me what to do would have broken by now were they in my place. 

I stumble, but I don’t quit. I beat my wings till I burn them black, but I don’t give up.


6 Comments so far

  1. Ormolu August 2nd, 2008 10:47 pm

    Amen to that. Fuck pleasing other people.

  2. Kira Ronning August 11th, 2008 3:13 pm

    Pleasing yourself first can be the key to success…if, (and actually it’s a big “IF”) IF you really know what does please you. I say, “Go for it!!”

  3. shayD August 15th, 2008 10:36 am

    hellz yeah!! there’s the fight that I’m talkin’ about!! that’s the strength that gets me thru the day. I dig that strength..I will beat my wings as well and fly with the best of them. I am a warrior…and losing is not an option. Fuck those assholes!! As a matter of fact…my freedom(eagle)is tattooed across my chest and my wings are half sleeves…the serpent is the next in line…
    I can’t relate with many…probably not here either…but I still admire your strength…and have continued reading due to the fact that circumstance(fate) has brought me here and I will not deny an opportunity to learn something valuable. once again…thank you… you rock! FTW it’s not here where the greatest power exists…yet it’s here where the strength and endurance to obtain great power begins.

  4. KittyP August 27th, 2008 4:13 pm

    Mike – I have so much respect for you. Not just that you’ve endured what would break most, but that you have an uncanny honesty with yourself.

    What do these words mean to you?

    — it’s not going to stop till you wise up —

  5. michael August 27th, 2008 4:23 pm

    Yeah, Wise Up always haunts me. Lately it seems like such a hopeless song.

  6. KittyP August 28th, 2008 3:14 am

    I love the montage at the end of Magnolia when everyone sings it. Everyone does want some kind of pain to stop, but the variance seems to be around what we’re willing to sacrifice to make things different.

    This whole week I’ve been hiding from the things I should do (things I should do to get what I tell myself I want). I’ve been zoning out to torrent movies and on-line tv, thinking I’ll “deal with that (homework/parent/job/chore) tomorrow. And every day I feel further from dealing. I’m trying to think what it’s going to take for me to wise up. You know?