My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Feb 25

Fuck the disability community

Category: Life

So, there’s talk of a social program in Zurich to help disabled people get laid, and apparently, I’m mentioned in a discussion about it. Things like this are totally disturbing, and totally frustrating. Honestly, I absolutely cannot stand the “disability community.” In my experience, it’s such a ridiculously fucked up group of people, they accept the wrong things and don’t fight for the right ones. They totally accept stupid conventions like, “disabled people can’t date and have sex because they’re disabled.” Society says it, disabled people accept it, and that’s that. The bar is set low, and disabled people take it. They accept programs that provide a mercy fuck, and don’t understand that we should want and fight for equal footing with society as a whole, equal being the operative word. We’re all really just one community, we’re all people.

I hate disability message boards, especially ones about dating and sex. People say, “oh, I’m disabled, no one will go out with me.” People say, “I’m hideous and I’ll never have sex.” I hate reading these things. I say, you’re not dating because you don’t have proper access to the world. I say, you’re not having sex because your attitude is garbage, have a little confidence. Learned helplessness and low self-esteem are not attractive on anyone.

People with disabilities need access to assistive technology, to personal assistants, to careers, to independence. Given these things, a person with disabilities has the chance to get out and lead a decent life, as much as anyone. If a person has these chances and still wants to hire a prostitute, fine. At least they’re no different than any senator or CEO.

I’m funded for assistive technology and personal assistants, and I gladly take that funding. It lets me contribute to society, I get and I give back. I go out with friends to clubs, bars, restaurants, wherever. I meet new people, I go on dates. A few months after I hired my first assistant, I met an amazing woman and we fell in love. We were together a long time, we had crazy passionate sex. We’re not together now, but at least we had something real. Even if I never find that again, it won’t be for lack of chances, or lack of trying.

I mean, I’m different in that I access the world very differently, but I want the same things as anyone else. I accept that I need help just to leave the house, but given that help I know that I can succeed or fail on my own. I want basic opportunities to live a good life, but I sure as shit don’t want a guaranteed government sponsored fuck.


22 Comments so far

  1. Alex Carnegie February 25th, 2009 7:47 am

    Perhaps they mean well, even if in the end it’s actually counterproductive…? I’m not defending it though.

    Without wanting to sound patronising, from what I’ve read on this blog it sounds like you have a better attitude to dating than most of the ‘able’ people I know, who manage to tie themselves in knots of doubt and indecision all the time.

    This is a very interesting post, and although it’s entirely not my place to say it I agree wholeheartedly with your point that it is a can-do attitude and greater self-esteem and sense of potential that should be promoted rather than demeaning, limiting quick-fix solutions that are no solution at all.

  2. Tara February 25th, 2009 8:10 am

    I was always taught you can’t help who you fall in love with, and that’s something I’ll always truly believe.

  3. Natania February 25th, 2009 8:34 am

    Unfortunately we live in a society that likes to make little boxes. We like to put people in those boxes. And when they don’t fit, people get uncomfortable with it. Since sex, in general, is such a taboo topic (be it old people, young people, homosexual people) I think it sets off even more alarms than other issues. Props to you for refusing to be put in the box. Not that I’d expect it of you in the first place, but still. 🙂

  4. jadelennox February 25th, 2009 10:25 am

    “People with disabilities need access to assistive technology, to personal assistants, to careers, to independence. Given these things, a person with disabilities has the chance to get out and lead a decent life, as much as anyone…. I’m funded for assistive technology and personal assistants, and I gladly take that funding. It lets me contribute to society, I get and I give back. I go out with friends to clubs, bars, restaurants, wherever. I meet new people, I go on dates.”

    I can’t really say anything here beyond WORD, Mike. This is exactly right. I know that there are lots of philosophical disagreements in the disability community (as if there weren’t philosophical disagreements among able-bodied people!), but fundamentally this is what it comes down to. If people with disabilities get access to assistive technology, personal assistants, and the same access to and rights to have careers and independence as people who are able-bodied, then they can make their own god in decisions about how to live. Some people with disabilities will be absolute failures at relationships. Some will succeed.

    You know, just like people.

  5. Philip Dhingra February 25th, 2009 11:10 am

    Interesting, provocative read!

  6. Nathan Herman February 25th, 2009 1:00 pm

    My wife frequents a SMA message board, and some of those people are the angriest, biggest drama queens I’ve ever had the pleasure to not meet.

    I mean I don’t always have the best attitude, but damn, sometimes I wanna smack-a-bitch(es), and tell ’em to get over it.

    I didn’t get my wife through any charity program, just pure dumb luck, and irresistible charm.

  7. Will February 25th, 2009 11:15 pm

    “Learned helplessness and low self-esteem are not attractive on anyone.”

    ….talk about “cross-platform”.

    Irony is, this very subject reminds me; when I saw you on TAL / then came here, I was prone to this thing you’ve must have seen 1K times…that, “you inspire me!” (gag) thing…when really I so clearly see, it was about your confidence, and my lack of it, that impressed me.

    I now see you and nothing of why I was intrigued to come here. Which is exactly what those looking for social programs to get them laid would benefit from. Hopefully your words gets exposure “over there” and make the positive difference those words are ripe with.

    What you said here, and how it applies to ALL, not just those of the subject matter, again makes me say…

    You have my deepest respect and regard. A willingness to be honest, a push to get it All out, and a response to those who respond to the aforementioned, with a grace.
    I look forward to watching the evolution as I expect from your life/words a depth and range that will delight us all.

    PS: Sorry I went off on Elliot Smith when I got here. A peep killed self and that was the swan song champion at the end. I over identified (like that’s news to you).
    I was just afraid of losing you as well.

    Also sorry for going tangental alot of the time when here. And for the horrible spelling and grammar.

  8. espo February 25th, 2009 11:50 pm

    did anyone notice that in that link, there was a photo of some old naked chic with her tatas totally rubbing on that dudes chest hair. Now THAT is appalling!

  9. Will February 26th, 2009 8:21 am

    Tee hee.
    I finally actually READ the article after the tatas on the brillo comment…my first thought was, what if the experience ends up being like a strip tease for the blind? What if like all sex it makes those in the “program” long for not only more of it, but long more so for a deep emotional bond even more, and the experience only amplifies the feelings the program’s founders are trying to diminish with the service? I’m sorry, “social program”. Aka, it hurts not helps and leaves them hollow instead of satisfied? All mercy sex sucks. No pun intended.(PS Mike; loved the title of the post).

    I wonder how Ms.Brushing-Tata’s would feel about servicing ApocoRaveZombies? Perhaps the water supply in Zurich has already been compromised….They should stick to chocolate and numbered bank accounts. (They actually got rid of that but it works better as a joke if I keep that in). This is, after all, the country that believes in neutrality but drafts their men into an army that’s main military vehicles….are bicycles. (the utmost example of good intentions gone bad and terribly ineffective).

  10. Creative-E February 26th, 2009 8:33 am

    “Formulate infinity, stored deep inside me…”

    Great song.

    In any case, I’m that guy on that message board saying that desperate, whiny gimps are pathetic and make the rest of us actually doing something look bad.

    Great post here. Thank you.

  11. michael February 26th, 2009 1:11 pm

    Excellent comments all.

    Will: I want ApocoRaveZombies right now!

  12. Will February 26th, 2009 5:14 pm

    I can handle the supply of the 5,000 metric tons of X and the goons to drop it in the water supply, the sound systems (we’ll hack into the tornado/disaster warning siren systems); now all I need is the Date. (Can it be After my June vacation please?)

    Here’s where you come in: You’re going to have to come up with the biologics to turn the masses into flesh/brain eating zombies. (Please as mentioned start in angry white old militia male population centers and work outwards, post June 09).

    Sorry, I’d like to pitch in there, but one man can only do so much, AB or not.

  13. jeff vandermeer February 26th, 2009 7:53 pm

    great fucking post. I sense an essay.

  14. […] knows of what he speaks; check out the rest here. While you’re at it, you might as well bookmark his site. The guy can write like a […]

  15. Bill Ectric February 27th, 2009 8:48 am

    Goddamn it, that’s all I need! Disabled people getting affirmitve action over me for sex. Now I’ll never get fuckin’ laid. This is not the country I know and love!

  16. Kelly Barnhill February 27th, 2009 4:31 pm

    Awesome, awesome, awesome. Dude you are AWESOME.

    Getting laid (for free, I mean) requires joy: joy in who you are, joy in the world, joy in the other person. And most importantly, it requires an understanding that one’s body is the interface with which we experience all that is fucking awesome about being alive. Regardless of what your body is: overweight, underweight, abled, disabled, whole or in pieces. This is what we get, so why NOT use it to make yourself and someone else feel fantastic?

  17. Melissa February 28th, 2009 8:45 pm


    Sex and orgasms are not the things that need subsidizing. Getting around, getting educated and the basic banalities of existence need subsidizing, so that we have access to meeting people, making art, making a living, etc.

    If that was done, the sex would take care of itself.

    I’m glad the fuckwittery of this “program” came to my attention today, so I could stumble across your blog.

    What do you think of the Amazon’s decision to allow publishers to hamper Kindle 2 text-to-speech?

  18. randy March 3rd, 2009 4:36 pm

    oh great, now what do I use as an excuse?

  19. Alex Carnegie March 4th, 2009 7:04 pm

    “What do you think of the Amazon’s decision to allow publishers to hamper Kindle 2 text-to-speech?”

    I’ve been thinking about this. I can see the commercial/artistic reasons behind it, but I think that if they do this, they should enforce a rule which means that the text-to-speech should only be disabled if an authorised audio version already exists at the same or lower price. That way they’re not keeping people from enjoying the books that would have no other realistic way of doing so, merely enforcing their rights as to its presentation. That’s just an idea though.

  20. michael March 5th, 2009 3:31 am

    Alex: You said that perfectly.

  21. Brenda November 8th, 2009 5:55 pm

    Yup. Fuck ’em.

    I tried working for several agencies – IL centers and Vocational Rehabilitation and University Disability Student Service. In the end, they believed people with disabilities needed charity – not compassion or understanding – handouts. God forbid we have babies, get Ph.D.s, and all the great things of life.

    And, let’s get mad about movies like “Million Dollar Baby” or that Captiain Packard is the “able-bodied” disabled guy in X-Men. Who the hell gives a crap. They are stories, for better or worse, not a political agenda.

    All I got from the disability community was a real need for psycho-therapy. Laf.

    Fuck ’em.

  22. Theatomicidiot March 20th, 2011 5:53 am

    fuck you