My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Feb 28

I’m naive

Category: Life

So, apparently, according to some folks on this message board, I’m naive. I’ve basically deluded myself into thinking that people with disabilities can lead full lives without government sponsored sex.

I find it very difficult, and very frustrating to argue with these people, their ideas. They have such a different attitude than mine. They use being disabled as an excuse for not doing some very doable things. A guy actually argued that we can’t have a real social life because we require too much help from the “ABs” (able-bodieds), or because ultimately, we slow down and inconvenience people. Thinking like that is exactly what holds us back, but they’re so stuck in their “disability community,” they don’t understand that things can be different.

This is why I avoid the disability community, it’s too depressing.


12 Comments so far

  1. tara March 1st, 2009 12:13 am

    You create your own reality, life is what you make it, blahblahblah. If you think that you are a helpless turd, then, of course, you are!

    But, fuck (hahah I said buttfuck) those people. You know what you know to be true.

    And gosh, it’s not disability, it’s differently abled!

    ( i added a link to your blog in the wikipedia page for SMA where it mentioned you. )

  2. permazorch March 1st, 2009 12:22 am

    Needless to say, those people who call you naive are full of crap. I second what tara said, above.
    “You were born, and so you’re free. So, happy birthday.”
    Know that you are doing okay. Keep the life going, and that’s not any kind of delusion.
    Life is no picnic for any human. We’re all in the trenches, in this universe.

  3. Chrisy March 1st, 2009 12:24 am

    Slow down and inconvenience people? I am sorry but reading that just irritated the hell out of me. I do not understand that statement at all. I do not know much about your disability but I know you and others have able minds and real feelings but just because you may not able to function physically doesn’t mean that you should live a life of seclusion and not live out any kind of life you are able to lead. I wish there was more to offer to all disabled people so they could have lives and not be forced to live behind walls in complete silence with no voice. Sorry for the rant and there is ALOT more I want to say buy I think I made my point.

  4. Melissa March 1st, 2009 12:25 am

    So I have this friend who’s incredibly snarky, and not particularly impressed (neither daunted, nor “inspired”) by my disability. She’s fond of quoting Richard Bach’s Illusions if anyone mentions why they can’t do something: “Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.”

    Those message board people seem to be arguing for their lonely, frustrated lives. :shrugs:

  5. Will March 1st, 2009 2:16 am

    Entering into discourse with someone you disagree with who also “insults” notions you hold dear; you’re torn between trying to sway them/educate them, and tell them off, no matter how much you’re trying not to sound that way. The older I get the more I see, walking away from the conversation isn’t the shame I used to think it was. The choice to spend your time discussing with those you appreciate more, wins, everytime. If it’s religion, politics, etc, it always ends up polarizing those involved even more so; NEVER does the discussion ever seem to have one side go, “oh, yeah, you’re right, NOW i see it, thank you!”. A good thing about it though is that those not posting and listening in, either get informed or prompted to come to their own conclusions. But for those engaged in it; rarely rewarding.

    That dude who posted those pics with peeps saying look at the faces of the slowed down, inconvenienced”, was a brilliant response.

    The person using the term naive tried, she did, to be understanding. Sounds like between the lines she either has experienced some pain of her own in some way, where she doesn’t want others getting their hopes up, then let down, or, she is like those in a polarized discussion on politics or religion; once down a path, she can’t stop defending a point made earlier because it brings too much of “her” into question; to undo that logic discredits her. If the later, not worth pursuing. If the former, I think she’s seen from your and other’s comments where she needs to think some more on the subject. Hopefully she does’t get rammed into a corner and can Listen and adapt/evolve her thought process after taking in new information and other’s feelings on the subject.

    At least there’s a freedom to discuss it all, and the good that comes of it for those that read/don’t speak up, think on it, make up their own minds. Too much on it, and it becomes like millions of other message board and comment sections…a tirade of reflexive bitter arguments and eventually name calling.

    Government sponsored sex and the trickle down subjects related. Wow. I can’t imagine how that topic would fair on Fox News.

  6. recycledartgirl March 1st, 2009 2:20 am

    I agree with everyone on here so far, and would like to add that your message board disability community seems to be “playing the victim.” And that’s never healthy. Good for you and your beliefs. There need to be more people like you. I think it’s easy to play the victim when you’re not disabled, but playing the victim is what makes a person disabled!

  7. CJS March 1st, 2009 5:41 pm

    what I found very interesting about that board was their thinking about themselves….

    an example would be how one writer talks of how he wants touch, shoulder rubs, affection — and most folk on the board seem to think that it is because of their disability that these things aren’t happening…

    heck, they aint happening to me!! I am a privileged, white, able bodied woman — and I have no guaranteed sex, or easy relationships — or right to affection — I live alone, I struggle to find meaningful relationships — or simple non-attachment sex that doesn’t involve being stalked for months afterwards LOL to me that is just how my life is being who I am…

    I decided it probably would not be productive to post this on their board, but feel safe posting it here — huh, strange…

  8. michael March 1st, 2009 7:25 pm

    Thanks for the comments all!

    Tara: I had no idea that I was on that page, thanks! I did a little editing myself.

    Will: Yeah, I don’t usually engage those people. They’re just so stuck.

    CJS: I’m really glad you felt safe posting here. Your comment is absolutely right. Life just isn’t easy, nothing is guaranteed to ANYONE.

  9. tara March 2nd, 2009 6:01 am

    your edit is epic.

  10. Caroline March 20th, 2009 9:42 pm

    People make excuses for themselves all the time, myself included. Healthy, “able-bodied” sorts, looking for justifications for our “situations,” which are just “so dire” that we cannot escape them. It’s good that you’re not letting yourself get pulled into those mindsets. With far more physical limitations than myself and others I know, you have achieved things some of us would give our lives for. Don’t let walls and boxes get built around you.

  11. Jeff Petrie May 4th, 2009 4:49 pm

    We’re an inconvenience to people? Too disabled to have a real social life? Fuck that noise. That’s a really fucked up attitude. Sure living the severely disabled life can be difficult, but all kinds of things are possible and attainable. I have a real social life thank you very much.

  12. Tess March 2nd, 2010 9:25 pm

    I like this post so much.