My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…
Archive for December 6th, 2008

Absolutely crazy idea

December 06th, 2008 | Category: Life

So, last night, I got this crazy idea and I’m looking for a way to fund it. I figure I’ll pitch the idea to you all and see what happens…

At any rate, it’s always been a dream of mine to take a road-trip via Greyhound bus. Aimee Mann is performing her Christmas show on December 18th at the Nokia Theater in NYC. So, I aim to hop a bus and see the show. No family, no swanky hotels, just a bus, my gear, an assistant and the cold. Then, I want to write about and publish the entire experience.

Well, that is my idea. It’s time for me to get back in the game. Anyone who contributes $5 will get a special thanks at the end of my writing. Those interested in being a part of this absolutely crazy idea can paypal me using the button below. Also, feel free to e-mail any questions to


One More Drifter

December 06th, 2008 | Category: Life

So, I’m sitting here in the dark listening to Aimee Mann’s Christmas album, One More Drifter in the Snow. It’s so spectacularly melancholy, the perfect background music for ripping open presents or slicing open wrists.

Listening to it this year is so entirely different. I got it last year after Sara and I went to see Aimee’s Christmas concert in Boston. On the flight up one of the batteries for my breathing machine died unexpectedly, and I heroically killed a pair of pants. It was so astonishingly cold, the kind of cold that makes you wonder if you’ll ever feel warm again. It was the first Northern-winter trip I’d ever taken with my trache, so there were plenty of problems. I could have done so many things so much better.

Still, just being there with Sara, holding her close in that dark theater listening to such sadly beautiful music, life seemed pretty perfect. I just felt happy, I pictured next year being better. Now it is next year, and everything’s the opposite of what I want, it’s like a bad dream that won’t stop. I didn’t want to quit, I didn’t want her to quit, I saw things so differently. It’s just so Goddamn fucking stupid.

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