My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Dec 2

Not literally

Category: Life

Honestly, I didn’t mean my last post literally. I was just trying to be a little dry and funny, but it got overly sarcastic. All my problems are mine, definitely not Sara’s, and probably not the terrorists’. I just can’t keep on going the way I’ve been going, it’s up to me to change things.


6 Comments so far

  1. Mama December 2nd, 2008 1:46 pm

    you can do it!!!!!!!

  2. Shannon December 2nd, 2008 2:41 pm

    I think it is okay to blame the terrorists, even if it is just a little bit. 😉

  3. anon for obv December 2nd, 2008 3:22 pm

    Hey, I thought it was funny, and Sara’s my friend and I love her.

  4. michael December 2nd, 2008 6:02 pm

    Others were less amused, which definitely wasn’t my intent.

  5. Will December 2nd, 2008 6:26 pm

    I’m still getting to know you, and I’ve been wanting nothing but to see you really find your perfect place; which from my limited observations, are just around the corner, so, certain things I’ve seen as poetic license, others, scare me a little. The thing I’ve admired most when I came across your blog and read historically from the past to the present, was how you don’t excuse feelings, negative ones especially, and are honest and willing to express them; and most – say to people hey, it’s my feelings, not much is going to change them and better they’re out then in eating a hole inside….
    I forgot how to do that recently and you woke up inside me something proud, something willing, something stronger than I’ve been recently. So excuse any of my seemingly knee jerk happy think-positive jaunts…I just want the best for you.

    And I think I understand your challenges with Sara almost exactly. What I love, is that after I did my jag down depressed lane, my “Sara” and I are in touch and the best of friends, but it was ONLY after, I dealt first with my own demons.

    It’s odd that when you become so close with someone you drop your defenses, and yet, you also have to keep doing things to show you’ve not become complacent and aren’t taking things for granted. I was a super hero to her when I didn’t have the contentment with her I needed, wanted so bad, once I had it, I wasn’t aware that I got lazy, and as soon as I knee jerked that maybe I wasn’t enough, I started believing my own fears, and suddenly, as so many recent posts and comments are about, they became reality because my focus became my reality. And I was stuck, then the dramatic romantic elements came pouring in; muddling everything, driving me further from seeing the hows/whys.

    What’s sweet; is how fast things change when your heart and mind have had enough and make a stand to focus only on what you’re grateful for. But it’s still work; you can’t get lazy, can’t bask in the glow without still givin’ back.


  6. DQM December 3rd, 2008 11:27 am

    Sorry to get serious, didn’t mean that, but did get the humor in it, which is the reason for the “lotto” post.

    I still say lotto is the way. It should be a religion.

    Also, who are the terrorists? I consider myself a terrorist. Specifically a self-terrorist. I am an expert at sabotage….self-sabotage, that is. I also dig that word…SABOTAGE. Man, that’s a good word. Dunno why, but I like it.