My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Dec 7

Not so stellar

Category: Life

Today was not my most stellar of days. I was rather astonishingly depressed, and managed to upset some people. It actually started last night, I was giving Sara advice about a story on a guy with locked-in syndrome. I was explaining what the lack of being able to easily communicate can do to a person, and the longer we talked the worse I felt.

It’s hard to explain, but I am really terrified of the idea of not being able to communicate at all. I also get depressed thinking about how different things have gotten for me over the last few years, I get scared things will only get worse. I find that I talk to people less sometimes, just because it’s slower and more difficult. I know that people talk to me less for the same reasons. I’m really lonely sometimes, having to type or use the alphabet for everything. There are very few people around whom I don’t feel like less of a person. I couldn’t admit that to myself until recently. It’s actually worse around people who knew me back when I could talk. 

So, I kind of freaked out, and I think Sara and I are officially, officially done on all levels for awhile. Sometimes I feel like I’m entirely broken and I don’t know how to fix it.

1 comment

1 Comment so far

  1. Sara December 8th, 2008 7:15 pm

    We need to take a break, but we’re not done. I love you and you aren’t broken. I KNOW you have what you need to do what you need to do. You have power in the world and you can use it. I believe in you.