My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…
Archive for December 20th, 2008

She’d have left

December 20th, 2008 | Category: Creative Flash,Random Thought

She’d have left George Bailey so fast his Goddamn fucking head would have spun off. That’s how little she’s willing to take the shakes in her fellow.

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Book Hate

December 20th, 2008 | Category: Opinions

Rarely do I ever hate a book, I usually find something worthwhile in whatever I read. However, I can safely say that I feel nothing but abject hatred toward Dune. It’s the current selection for my little two person book club, and I think I hate it worse than Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. It’s powerful bad.

I’m just over halfway through Dune and I’m starting to feel like I’d rather eat glass than finish the other half. It’s that tedious. I wish Paul Atreides would just die in a fire.

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Restoration

December 20th, 2008 | Category: Life

So, earlier this evening I was out holiday shopping when a woman, obviously filled with the Holy Spirit, excitedly asked to pray over me. I never say no to this, as the person always seems so into it. Tonight’s prayer was particularly intriguing, as the really excited woman prayed for the restoration of my entire body in the name of Jesus.

I don’t think it worked.

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Writing dark

December 20th, 2008 | Category: Life

See, I write dark things so that I can look at the darkness from a different angle. I look at the darkness from the outside, it’s often frightening, but then I’m able face it. I should be able to deal with things internally, but sometimes I just can’t.

I bleed out in writing, and that depressed part of me dies. I get focused and try again.

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Drowned kittens

December 20th, 2008 | Category: Creative Flash

And so he drowned a basket of kittens in a small lake at the heart of a peaceful wood. He explained to the unfortunate kittens why they had to drown and much to his surprise, the kittens understood.

They were, you see, very practical kittens, highly principled and empathetic toward the principles of others. So, while they weren’t particularly happy to be dying, especially in this particular manner, they understood the reason behind its happening, and solemnly accepted it.

They believed in Kitty Jesus and His Kitty Heaven, and so requested that they be allowed a simple kitty prayer. They were, of course, not denied this request before their end. They prayed:

Oh Kitty Jesus, we ask that You accept us into Kitty Heaven. Being that You’ve decided to fuck us over like this, us being adorable tabby kittens, innocent and free of sin, we figure it’s the least You could do.

Amen.

Thus ended their simple kitty prayer, and shortly thereafter, their kitty lives.

Having drowned the kittens he returned home, humbled and warmed from the experience.

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Almost 28

December 20th, 2008 | Category: Life

I’ll be 28 in eleven days, and I’ve never looked forward to my birthday less. Fact is, I wrecked everything I ever wanted. I don’t know if I have it in me to fix it. 

Rationally, I know that I shouldn’t give up and what-not, it’s all a choice and so on. I’m aware of all that, but I just don’t feel the little spark in me. I wish I did, but I don’t. People break, sometimes there are  no more fixes. I’m really tired, I get tired of building and re-building. I’ve lost so much so fast, I just don’t know how to cope anymore.

Fuck, there’s so much, it’s not just Sara. Lately, it’s even difficult to type. I let them dig around in my left arm for an I.V. and now half of my hand is numb. If that hand goes, I’m absolutely and astonishingly fucked. That really weighs on me. Having Sara just made things feel easier, I didn’t feel alone. 

I’m ridiculous and awful for feeling like this, I know. Still, here I am. I feel like a failure. 

By the way, if anyone comments with inspirational quotes and what-not, a basket of kittens will drown.

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