My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Nov 23

I need to sleep, please

Category: Life

So, after I decided to quit the Ativan, I pretty much quit sleeping entirely. Seeing the clock tick 7 AM three days in a row really was not good, not good at all. A fellow starts to have shaky, unpleasant thoughts between 3 and 7 AM, odd waking dreams. I felt like I should be chain-smoking in some shit-hole diner, muttering nothings and ordering cups of black coffee. No sleep is a bad place. I kept thinking about one of my favorite scenes from Stay. Sam (Ewan McGregor) is talking to a strung out Beth (Janeane Garofalo). She’s just had a nervous breakdown and has taken a liking to liquor and pills. Sam sees her table-top pharmacy and says, “you can’t drink while you’re taking these,” to which she notes, “apparently, I can.” He drags her into the bathroom for a shower she needs, but doesn’t want, she looks absolutely exhausted. She says, “I need to sleep, please.” I kept seeing that scene while not sleeping.

Last night, however, I re-introduced myself to Ativan and actually fell asleep before seeing the sun. I definitely can’t stay on the Ativan forever, but until I get something else, it’ll do.


2 Comments so far

  1. teresa November 23rd, 2008 3:50 pm

    why can’t you stay on ativan? so many people do? and yes it does lose its potency so the doctor increases the dose. SLEEP is critical for sanity and survival!!!

  2. Shannon November 24th, 2008 11:18 pm

    I feel your pain!!! I suffer from insomnia and it sucks. Something that should be so natural and vital to human existence shouldn’t be so hard to do! I am so envious of people that can just close their eyes and sleep normally. What makes them so damn special to be able to sleep when I’m not???

    As you can probably notice…I am lacking sleep right now so I am especially prone to rambling on about not getting any sleep. 😉