My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Apr 5

I’m a liability

Category: Life

Last night, my brother takes me to some ridiculously weak college bar, a bar in a shopping center called, Peabody’s. They card you at the door, security all around, kids shooting darts and drinking beer, the exact opposite of anywhere I usually go. I like dive bars, goth clubs, dark places with character.

So, we’re at this lame bar, my brother and his friends, me with my black nail-polish, seventeen tattoos, Nirvana’s I Hate Myself and Want to Die bouncing around in my head, when security comes over and says that we have to go to the front and speak to the manager. Apparently, after being there for about two mind-numbingly dull hours, they’ve decided, the manager and his staff, that I’m a “liability” and they’d like us to leave. My brother, who’s quite angry, tells the guy he’s being ridiculous. I’m giddy because this is the only interesting thing that’s happened all evening. The manager then softens a little, says that I need to leave for my own safety because there are lots of drunk people around who could fall on me. He then decides that I could stay if I specifically say that I want to stay, to which I reply via the alphabet, “I-s-u-r-e-a-s-f-u-c-k-d-o-n-t-w-a-n-t-t-o-s-t-a-y.” The manager agrees, we leave.

I think I’ll just stick to my “dark” places, places that suit me. People are friendlier in the dark.


13 Comments so far

  1. Vincent April 6th, 2009 12:01 am

    Hahah! Great reply.

  2. Philip Dhingra April 6th, 2009 12:02 am

    Would have loved to see his face when he sees those letters unfolding.

  3. permazorch April 6th, 2009 12:02 am

    That’s 2 hours you’ll never get back. 1st warning sign: It’s in a shopping center. 2nd warning sign: It’s called “Peabody’s”.
    What is wrong with your brother? His taste in nightspots is a liability to happyfuntime.

  4. Jeff April 6th, 2009 12:40 am

    See, I would’ve told him to expect an ADA lawsuit because they weren’t accessible. The ensuing backtracking and squirming would have added a few more minutes of excitement, I’m sure.

  5. Jay April 6th, 2009 1:46 am

    Plus I doubt The Senator hangs at Peabody’s. Or Little Boy Bleu.

    Where’d you hang after, Mons Venus? 😛

  6. Susie April 6th, 2009 2:33 am

    It’s like the guy knew you didn’t want to stay . . . hrm . . .
    Nice: “People are friendlier in the dark.”

  7. Yaniris April 6th, 2009 12:14 pm

    Loved your reply!

  8. Will April 6th, 2009 1:02 pm

    Your attitude, again, remarkable and entertaining.

    The ending reminds me of my own tale:

    I was in hospital decades ago, teenager; this doctor goes to rip a series of tubes out of my throat and this nurse screams at him, “the bubble is still inflated!” and he argues with her that it’s not; he pulls and pulls and it hurts; finally he stops; the nurse says “You could have ripped his vocal cords, perminately!”

    They fight; he leaves, another Dr. comes in and says ‘Will, we’re going to deflate this bubble in your throat and then when we take the tubes out, we want you to very gently, try and say something”.

    They pull the tubes out.
    I take a good look, see the Ass doctor in the hall \way, direct my head at him and go “What the fuck were you thinking asshole! She TOLD You the Bubble was still inflated you fucking moron!”

    “Ah, okay, That’s enough Will, your vocal cords work”.

  9. Melissa l April 6th, 2009 4:29 pm

    What a moron. He deserves to get sued even though you left willingly. Argh.

  10. Eileen April 6th, 2009 6:06 pm

    You were a liability? Was he afraid you were going drink and drive????

  11. Christi April 7th, 2009 9:00 am

    How fucking dumb. Have you ever been to Pegasus Lounge? Not only is it a dive bar, they have pornaoke. It’s like karaoke… but with porn in the background… for effect. I think it’s every Tuesday.

  12. Preston Craig April 8th, 2009 5:20 am

    in my opinion if drunk people AREN’T falling on you, it’s a dead bar. i think in Atlanta most people consider me a liability too… only it’s because my chair weighs 325 lbs and I drink a considerable amount while dj’ing. combine that with a club i just filled over capacity… and well you get a lot of sore toes the next day.

    if you ever come to atlanta, know that I’ve already broken in the majority of the people here.

  13. SIGEPJEDI May 16th, 2009 8:18 pm

    That’s right, fuck them!