My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Apr 20

NeuroSwitch: Day 2

Category: Life

I was overconfident yesterday, there’s much work ahead.

I’m exhausted, claustrophobic, not capable of objectively writing about the situation. I mentioned the claustrophobia to someone who I thought would understand. She said, “well, that’s better than agoraphobic.” I assume it was a joke, but it hurt spectacularly. I guess I didn’t expect another wanderer of dark places to kick me in mine. I just don’t think my drowning is funny, nobody’s drowning is funny to me.


6 Comments so far

  1. Amy April 21st, 2009 12:42 am

    You are right, Mike. No one’s drowning is funny. It is hard not to become fixated with those who dismiss our despair, as it only emphasizes our sense of isolation. Remember your iron-strong will.

  2. Jay April 21st, 2009 12:46 am

    9 out of 10 people don’t know how to handle another’s suffering. Some channel Norman Fucking Vincent Peale and smother you with some inane Hallmark platitude. Others wield humor with the sensitivity of a Nazi death camp guard.

    Unfortunately, humanity doesn’t have a vulgar surplus of life preservers.

    I’m still putting all my money on you and the G4, bro.

  3. Susie April 21st, 2009 3:07 am

    It is really difficult/exhausting to work with people you don’t know really well on something so important and essential as a neuroswitch – it was amazing you did so well on the first trial – now they are trying to speed it up for you? That’ll take some trial & error – but they are willing to work on it, it seems, so that’s good & you’ll get through it. We’re all rooting for you – the hero in a parallel reality – harsher than ours.

    Your friend probably just didn’t understand how tired you were – things always seem worse when you are exhausted.

  4. Art April 21st, 2009 6:17 am

    Mike, words of encouragement usually fail to meet the standard of a struggle like you are experiencing, but we are so damn proud of you and all you have accomplished to-date. You are an inspiration to all of us, and despite the recent events, continue to be an amazing man. We are behind you 100% and hope you conquer this obstacle just like you have all the others. I can imagine it gets tiring to keep climbing the hill, but please keep trying and doing what you do best – be a success at everything you set your mind to.


  5. Eileen April 21st, 2009 9:41 am

    Miichael, it’s an uphill battle for you, keep on climbing.

  6. Steph April 21st, 2009 5:17 pm

    I’m sending you all my strength for the battle ahead.

    And I’m clausterphobic. It’s terrifying. And to have to dive in so you can WRITE, you gotta dive, but that’s one hell of a price.