My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Archive for November, 2008

Quantum of Whatever

November 15th, 2008 | Category: Life

So, I’m leaving Quantum of Solace, which wasn’t good or bad enough to write about, so I won’t.

Anyway, my brother and I are on our way out when I look over and see a beautiful girl, about my age, with long red hair, in a black wheelchair. I don’t see many chair people out, but that’s not what strikes me about her. I’d have noticed her anyway, the look on her face. Still, she’s being pushed in her chair, and she looks so down, so alone in such a crowded lobby. She looks on the outside how I feel on the inside nearly all the time. I want to stop and say something, anything, but I don’t, spontaneous conversation kind of lost to me.

I’ll never see her again, never know her story. It’s a weird feeling, but not uncommon.

1 comment

Am I that old?

November 13th, 2008 | Category: Random Thought

So, of my new tattoo my brother says, “Oh, a heart shaped box. Isn’t that a Nirvana song?” He’s 25. Earlier that day my assistant, Sarah, didn’t know who Hole was by name. She’s just over 22, and is totally into music.

Either people don’t follow pop-culture, or I’m getting old, or both.

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Tattoo #12

November 12th, 2008 | Category: Life,Tattoos

Lately, it may or may not be obvious, I’ve been pretty down. It’s probably the longest I’ve ever been this dark, and though the rational part of me still exists, I just can’t make it stop. The rational me isn’t loud enough, the poor fellow’s nailed to a cross in a field of poppies, being taunted by a creepy girl. He’s been locked inside a Heart Shaped Box.

Thinking along these lines, I went today for my twelfth tattoo.

Not every tattoo is an etching of hope, but they all mark something significant for me. So, no matter how bad I feel right now, whether or not it stops, it’s very real, and noted.

5 comments

Late for the party

November 11th, 2008 | Category: Life,Opinions,Random Thought

Whenever everybody says, “Oh my God, you have to check out X right now! It’s so amazing!” my immediate impulse is usually to avoid X. I still refuse to read The DaVinci Code. Still, I’m also often totally wrong too, wrong and late for the party. I was completely wrong about Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, wrong about Pushing Daisies, and definitely completely wrong about Pandora.

I admit my wrongs.

12 comments

House

November 11th, 2008 | Category: Opinions

Tonight a friend and I went to see House, by far one the best absolutely terrible horror movies I’ve ever seen. It’s chalk full of biblical and literary allusions that go nowhere. I mean, one would think that endless Wizard of Oz allusions would make for great horror, but no.

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Drowned

November 09th, 2008 | Category: Creative Flash

I died awhile ago, I think. I drowned in brandy, or scotch, or some sort of exotic fruit juice. I really can’t say anything with certainty, my mind is all dim, my vision fuzzy, like my eyes are covered in a thin veil of gauze.

Maybe I’m just asleep, a bizarre world created in my head. Nothing feels the same, looks the same, slightly askew from what I remember. Something obviously happened, must have happened. I just can’t remember, so many gaps. So many Goddamn fucking gaps. Can’t think. Can’t breathe. If I am asleep, I can’t wake up.

Or worse, maybe I’m still alive, alive and broken. A shattered mirror that can’t be fixed. Always covered in spidery cracks, reflecting nothing.

I think I died, though. Drowned, or something. I think, but I don’t know.

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Twitter

November 09th, 2008 | Category: Life

Anyone can join, but I’d especially like people in or around Tampa to join my Twitter feed.

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Note

November 08th, 2008 | Category: Life,Random Thought

Note: Saying “fuck you” to someone you love is the worst possible thing to do in any situation.

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Help someone out

November 07th, 2008 | Category: Life

So, a friend of mine works for the American Cancer Society and they have various fundraisers throughout the year. Right now, it’s Relay For Life time, and my friend needs your help. Her team needs to raise $1000 to beat last year’s record of $625. It’s an excellent cause, cancer sucks, and we really don’t want my friend to be a loser. There’s no need to live in Florida, or even stand up, just click here and donate.

3 comments

Faith in Atheism

November 06th, 2008 | Category: Life,Opinions

I’ve liked the idea of Atheism for awhile, Atheists totally intrigue me. I mean, it seems so beautiful not to worry about God, or Heaven, or Hell. They’re so absolutely sure that there is no God and right now is it. I’d love to be that certain about things, but I can’t.

I’m not always faithful in God, but at the same time, I can’t be faithful in the absence of God. I can’t have absolute faith in either belief. Of course, if the Hell that I worry about does exist, my doubt in God will probably send me there just as surely as if I were a completely faithful Atheist. 

I’m afraid that God exists and He hates me, just as I’m afraid that there is no God and thus no one to ask for forgiveness or salvation. I guess I’m only truly faithful in the fact that nothing is certain.

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