My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

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Archive for August 19th, 2009

Thinking about darkness

August 19th, 2009 | Category: Life

I’ve been thinking about my darkness, how I feel about it, and cope with it. I know there’s a lot of darkness in me. I understand and write about addiction, and loneliness, and depression, and suicide. My twenty-eight years of experiences have made me into, well, an often melancholy, introspective, cautiously optimistic fellow. Yet, I like who I am, I think there’s so much good in me. I think all my darkness helps me to deeply appreciate beauty when I find it. I don’t take love and people I care about for granted. Whenever I meet someone else who knows darkness, I try to pull them out because I know how absolutely bad loneliness in the dark feels. Deep down, I know my story doesn’t have to end badly, but I know it might anyway.

I think everybody has dark moments, dark thoughts. Some of us are darker than others, but nobody’s flawlessly happy. I think what makes me different is that I take the thoughts that most people hide and write them for anyone to see.


So again

August 19th, 2009 | Category: Life

So, I’m re-focusing myself, starting new. Writing really dark helps me get back to clarity. It’s almost like cutting my wrists, feeling the end, but waking up and not liking how that end felt. It’s the only way I know how to start over when I feel absolutely lost.

All that stuff I couldn’t write, I’ve let it go for now. Maybe I’ll write the most important parts later, after a little distance, I’m not sure. Tonight, I’m focusing on what’s ahead.

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