My Whole Expanse I Cannot See…

I formulate infinity stored deep inside of me…

Aug 14

Right now

Category: Life

So, right now, I’m at the hospital waiting to hit the O.R. for a fresh trache. Usually, I don’t have my computer, this is a first. The NeuroSwitch recently became Mac OS X native and wireless, so here we are, live blogging.

I’m here, listening to my grunge/rock/folk mix. Kim Gordon’s singing right now, her voice sounds the way sex feels. I’m here, not nervous, I’ve become unaffected by this particular experience. I like my set of doctors and nurses, I adore the drugs, it’s really not an awful experience anymore.

I’m a little melancholy right now, but that isn’t new. I’m thinking about friends I want to see later. If I died in that O.R., whenever I actually go in, I wonder if they know what they mean to me. There’s this woman I love, I’m thinking about her. I’m thinking a lot about her. I miss her right now, but I always miss her to a degree. Being with her is the best thing I’ve ever felt, better than any liquor, better than the drugs I’m about to get, better than I have the skill to write sometimes. I’m thinking things I won’t write here, things that are just for her.

I’m thinking about my life, and how odd I’ve become.


4 Comments so far

  1. dana August 14th, 2009 12:18 pm

    i think you are odd in the most fantastic way, and i wish you luck and happiness!

  2. Miss Kim August 14th, 2009 1:09 pm

    Don’t die

  3. Hadleypho August 14th, 2009 2:52 pm

    I just have a hunch you’ll be fine. I don’t know why I say that, but it seems like you have gone through so much and always been alright in the end. I think your writing is amazingly beautiful. You have a real gift with words and to make people feel and see things. I think you should write a novel or a memoir or something. I really do. Hope you get better soon!

  4. jen August 14th, 2009 7:49 pm

    Just go in the er with a bad ass attitude like you own the hospital. I worked in the a Chicago store with these girls from the they had such a bad bitch attitude…they owned it and you do to. Own it, Mike. I think that’s the best advice I ever gave;)